OR BACK FOR THAT MATTER.......
As the old saying goes, if you are way up high in a scary place, doing your best to maintain your balance, don't look down. It can only get worse if you look down. Looking back is almost as bad. If I had been looking back last night and seen that car getting ready to crash into my car .....well, lets just say I preferred the surprise over the fear. Car- totaled, Keith - shaken but not stirred.
We live in a scary world these days. Economic crisis, terrorists, war, recession, soaring unemployment, global warming....if you even glance down you could lose your balance. Blink once and down you go. Dealing with PD itself is a great challenge. Dealing with the other things that come with it may be an even greater challenge. Recently, Mary and I have been tossing around some options for our future and decisions have been made or will be made that some will find to be not so poplular while others will completely "get it" and understand.
For instance, we have pretty much decided to sell our home , pay off what little debt is left after the mortgage , then take the equity and pay for a nice mobile home in a quiet park leaving us in the blissful state of debt free. Why ? Because sooner or later I won't be able to work and we would rather plan on that now than have to scramble or risk financial burden on Mary later. It makes perfect sense to some and others think we are mad. When we bought this place neither of us planned to ever leave. Of course we had not planned on PD and we did not plan to have a child either. So our cozy, 2 BR , rustic cottage was perfect. Now, it's cramped, too small, harder for me to maintain and deal with steps...you get the picture. It is a VERY painful decision for both of us but one we need to face squarely.
For me, realizing and accepting that I won't be able to provide the kind of home I want to was hard. Giving up my hot rod garage where my grown son and I have spent countless, wonderful hours sharing a passion for cars will be heart wrenching to put it mildly.
Another polarizing landmark decision was to have another child. Actually , I think what I agreed to was to take no precautions and see what develops. Again, madness to some and inspiring to others. Mary and I got together late in my life and our age difference alone (22 years) marks us as "different". Had we both been young we would have had more than one child so we joke that we may as well continue marching to the beat of our own hearts instead of conforming to some preconceived mold dictated by society at large. At the end of the day, we are choosing to live all we can while we can.
A visit to the neurologist at UVA brought news as well. As I predicted, I am now starting Sinimet. Doc says I will feel better. Also switched from Mirapex to Requip....seem to have more energy but anyone who can tell me what I can expect from going on Sinimet , please leave me a comment....
So, how am I doing overall ?
I'M SHAKIN' A LEG !
And as long as I can do that and look forward , never looking back, I got it knocked baby......
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
A BLESSING AND A LESSON
I must admit that I have been reluctant to accept some aspects of PD and even more reluctant to post on this subject.
My wife recently blogged (Life with Shaky) about learning to ask for help when we need it and about the disappointment she feels when family members can see how PD affects us but fail to offer to help. This isn't the first time she has posted on this subject and I feel sure there will be more. This IS the first time I have posted anything on that subject. This was brought on by a not so random act of kindness by one of my neighbors. He owns his own landscaping / lawn care business. Yesterday he pulled his truck into my drive and he and his helper assaulted the tons of leaves in our front yard with back pack leaf blowers and a powerful vacuum hose on his truck. This took about 30-45 minutes. It would have taken me days if it even got done.
He did it because he knows that 2 years ago I landed in the hospital after using my old hand held leaf blower all day and bagging and hauling leaves to the dump. He isn't around me for hours each day, maybe he sees me 15 minutes each week. It's enough for him to know that what was less than an hour out of his day likely saved me days of effort, utter exhaustion and pain. It was a blessing that couldn't be ignored. No one had to explain to my neighbor how PD affects me and no one asked him to help us out. He has seen me deteriorate over the past two years and took action.
Mary gets all out of sorts, especially with her family, because no one seems to SEE just how much PD has affected me. But it really isn't just family, it's the nature of our society. All too often most of us tend to be so wrapped up in our own struggles and lives that we don't take the time to see what anyone else is struggling to overcome. This is why the nursing homes stay in business. Children cannot find the time or love to care for an ailing parent. We are a self centered, self absorbed society that has lost compassion for others, including family. When Mary and I discussed this issue recently I commented that it doesn't bother me that family isn't stepping up to help me more. I understand that to most, on the surface, I am still healthy and go to work every day. They don't really understand yet the effects of the disease and likely won't until I am unable to work.
Unfortunately, my "understanding" equals only my willingness to excuse a lack of caring and compassion on the part of others and you know why ? Because all too often I don't take the time to really "see" other peoples struggles and take action to help. If I get upset at others for this lack of understanding I need only look in the mirror to see a guilty party..........
Another lesson learned thru my battle with PD.
I resolve today to take the time to notice other peoples struggles. To teach my kids to do the same and to ask myself what I can do to help someone else.
My wife recently blogged (Life with Shaky) about learning to ask for help when we need it and about the disappointment she feels when family members can see how PD affects us but fail to offer to help. This isn't the first time she has posted on this subject and I feel sure there will be more. This IS the first time I have posted anything on that subject. This was brought on by a not so random act of kindness by one of my neighbors. He owns his own landscaping / lawn care business. Yesterday he pulled his truck into my drive and he and his helper assaulted the tons of leaves in our front yard with back pack leaf blowers and a powerful vacuum hose on his truck. This took about 30-45 minutes. It would have taken me days if it even got done.
He did it because he knows that 2 years ago I landed in the hospital after using my old hand held leaf blower all day and bagging and hauling leaves to the dump. He isn't around me for hours each day, maybe he sees me 15 minutes each week. It's enough for him to know that what was less than an hour out of his day likely saved me days of effort, utter exhaustion and pain. It was a blessing that couldn't be ignored. No one had to explain to my neighbor how PD affects me and no one asked him to help us out. He has seen me deteriorate over the past two years and took action.
Mary gets all out of sorts, especially with her family, because no one seems to SEE just how much PD has affected me. But it really isn't just family, it's the nature of our society. All too often most of us tend to be so wrapped up in our own struggles and lives that we don't take the time to see what anyone else is struggling to overcome. This is why the nursing homes stay in business. Children cannot find the time or love to care for an ailing parent. We are a self centered, self absorbed society that has lost compassion for others, including family. When Mary and I discussed this issue recently I commented that it doesn't bother me that family isn't stepping up to help me more. I understand that to most, on the surface, I am still healthy and go to work every day. They don't really understand yet the effects of the disease and likely won't until I am unable to work.
Unfortunately, my "understanding" equals only my willingness to excuse a lack of caring and compassion on the part of others and you know why ? Because all too often I don't take the time to really "see" other peoples struggles and take action to help. If I get upset at others for this lack of understanding I need only look in the mirror to see a guilty party..........
Another lesson learned thru my battle with PD.
I resolve today to take the time to notice other peoples struggles. To teach my kids to do the same and to ask myself what I can do to help someone else.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Time is NOT on your side
Contrary to the lyrics by The Rolling Stones, time is NOT on your side. This is a broad statement, vague at best but, as you might have guessed I plan on explaining...in detail....and hopefully it will change the way someone thinks.
As children, we have little to no concept of time. Time is measured by how long a cartoon might last. As teen-agers we can hardly wait until we are another year older so we can drive or go to high school or whatever it is that we live to do...My mom used to tell me not to wish my life away and although I understood her point I could not see how fast time passes really....
In our young adult lives we get busy with life. Working, making a career, a home , a family...and we are so busy that we don't even notice time slipping away until one day when some milestone is reached and the lightbulb that is our inner clock begins to glow faintly. Illuminating only slightly the concept of time moving faster.
Maybe it's your kids graduation. Maybe it's your 30th or 40th birthday or you lose a parent or someone you went to school with. It is then that you can usually hear us saying things like " time seems to go by faster now that we are older" .
But that still isn't the real point I am making.
For those reading who are still basically healthy or just plain young....imagine you have been told you have an incurable, fatal disease. Try to imagine how that might feel. What would you do differently ? How would your priorities change ? Would you modify the way you lived ? Act or behave ? Think ? Relate to others ? Try real hard. Close your eyes and really try to let those feelings into your brain.
I know. It sounds so cliche', so trite , so something......all of us have heard similar stuff. Maybe it was in church when someone asks you if you died tonight are you ready ? That is NOT what I am looking for here. That's your personal issue. No, what I am driving at is more of a complete change in thinking processes.
So, lets get back to it. Have you tried to imagine the feeling ? OK.
Now, everyone has probably heard that country song about hoping one day to get the chance to live like you were dying, or maybe you have read Mitch Alboms book, "Tuesday's with Morrie"
I have referenced it in earlier blogs. I know , running it in the ground, belaboring the point but this is important to me.
The other day, I tried to explain it to my boss and did a poor job. We didn't seem to connect. He thought I meant that all of us should live only in the present, having no goals or dreams or ambitions. That isn't it at all.
I have lots of goals and dreams and ambitions. I want to finish building my 69 Camaro and enjoy it a few years. I want to see my son get married, become a father. I want to win Store Manager of the Quarter or better yet year before I retire. I want to teach my daughter how to pick the right guy. I want to take my wife to NYC.
I believe I will do ALL those things. I think about the future every day. I am not living just for the present.
BUT and this is a big BUT....being diagnosed with Parkinsons ( incurable but not fatal ) caused me to start thinking in terms of my own mortality. Then, my wife bought that book Tuesday's with Morrie. I read it. Everyone should read it. I began to realize that even though ALL of us know we will one day die, few of us live our lives like we understand it. We live thinking tomorrow will ALWAYS come. It doesn't.
Start watching. This past year I have seen a kid my son's age nearly killed by a drunk driver. The son of a high school classmate drop dead with no warning. People around us die all the time and most of us still don't get it.
Remember I asked you to imagine if you were stricken with an incurable , fatal disease ?
Guess what ? You have been. That's right, YOU. It's called LIFE.
An old preacher friend of mine explained it this way. The moment we are born we begin to die. Dying is a natural part of living. Again, don't get me wrong , I am not out trying to "save" you, that's your issue to resolve. Maybe more important, this isn't doom and gloom either. This is about life and how you choose to live it.
If you can accept that being born is an automatic death sentence, that you really are one day going to pass on, that tomorrow is never promised ...and every day ask yourself what you can do today to make a difference, then you WILL live a richer, fuller life.
Make your plans, set your goals, live your dreams. Only you must remember that time is not on your side or at least it may not be.
So, love your family. Take time , it's a quality of life thing really. That's all. Decide what is really important each hour of each day. You will be happier, less stressed and those around you will feel and see the change.
Time is not on your side. What will you do different today ?
As children, we have little to no concept of time. Time is measured by how long a cartoon might last. As teen-agers we can hardly wait until we are another year older so we can drive or go to high school or whatever it is that we live to do...My mom used to tell me not to wish my life away and although I understood her point I could not see how fast time passes really....
In our young adult lives we get busy with life. Working, making a career, a home , a family...and we are so busy that we don't even notice time slipping away until one day when some milestone is reached and the lightbulb that is our inner clock begins to glow faintly. Illuminating only slightly the concept of time moving faster.
Maybe it's your kids graduation. Maybe it's your 30th or 40th birthday or you lose a parent or someone you went to school with. It is then that you can usually hear us saying things like " time seems to go by faster now that we are older" .
But that still isn't the real point I am making.
For those reading who are still basically healthy or just plain young....imagine you have been told you have an incurable, fatal disease. Try to imagine how that might feel. What would you do differently ? How would your priorities change ? Would you modify the way you lived ? Act or behave ? Think ? Relate to others ? Try real hard. Close your eyes and really try to let those feelings into your brain.
I know. It sounds so cliche', so trite , so something......all of us have heard similar stuff. Maybe it was in church when someone asks you if you died tonight are you ready ? That is NOT what I am looking for here. That's your personal issue. No, what I am driving at is more of a complete change in thinking processes.
So, lets get back to it. Have you tried to imagine the feeling ? OK.
Now, everyone has probably heard that country song about hoping one day to get the chance to live like you were dying, or maybe you have read Mitch Alboms book, "Tuesday's with Morrie"
I have referenced it in earlier blogs. I know , running it in the ground, belaboring the point but this is important to me.
The other day, I tried to explain it to my boss and did a poor job. We didn't seem to connect. He thought I meant that all of us should live only in the present, having no goals or dreams or ambitions. That isn't it at all.
I have lots of goals and dreams and ambitions. I want to finish building my 69 Camaro and enjoy it a few years. I want to see my son get married, become a father. I want to win Store Manager of the Quarter or better yet year before I retire. I want to teach my daughter how to pick the right guy. I want to take my wife to NYC.
I believe I will do ALL those things. I think about the future every day. I am not living just for the present.
BUT and this is a big BUT....being diagnosed with Parkinsons ( incurable but not fatal ) caused me to start thinking in terms of my own mortality. Then, my wife bought that book Tuesday's with Morrie. I read it. Everyone should read it. I began to realize that even though ALL of us know we will one day die, few of us live our lives like we understand it. We live thinking tomorrow will ALWAYS come. It doesn't.
Start watching. This past year I have seen a kid my son's age nearly killed by a drunk driver. The son of a high school classmate drop dead with no warning. People around us die all the time and most of us still don't get it.
Remember I asked you to imagine if you were stricken with an incurable , fatal disease ?
Guess what ? You have been. That's right, YOU. It's called LIFE.
An old preacher friend of mine explained it this way. The moment we are born we begin to die. Dying is a natural part of living. Again, don't get me wrong , I am not out trying to "save" you, that's your issue to resolve. Maybe more important, this isn't doom and gloom either. This is about life and how you choose to live it.
If you can accept that being born is an automatic death sentence, that you really are one day going to pass on, that tomorrow is never promised ...and every day ask yourself what you can do today to make a difference, then you WILL live a richer, fuller life.
Make your plans, set your goals, live your dreams. Only you must remember that time is not on your side or at least it may not be.
So, love your family. Take time , it's a quality of life thing really. That's all. Decide what is really important each hour of each day. You will be happier, less stressed and those around you will feel and see the change.
Time is not on your side. What will you do different today ?
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
OLD FRIENDS / NEW FRIENDS
Recently, an old friend and former co-worker crossed paths with me. She was diagnosed with MS a few years ago, well before my PD diagnosis. She is doing so well , it was really encouraging to see her. We share many of the same challenges and struggles. I am hoping we can stay in touch but you know how hard that is to do.....Anyway, hats off to you girl ! I was inspired by your courage, positive outlook and shared struggles.
Under the new friend category- I attended a support group for Young Onset PD folks and am very happy to have found them. These folks are more willing to discuss their experiences and real life challenges than the older retired type support group I had been attending. Quite a bunch of characters as well I might add ! Am looking forward to getting to know them better as time goes on....
Old friend - Dan (PD PLUS ME) stopped in to read my last post. I can never get over how well Dan describes PD and its symptoms and effects on our lives. If you haven't done so, you should click on his link listed on the left.
Next subject - Cholesterol meds . Family doc put me on Zocor or tried to about 8 months ago. I read the side effects and never filled the Rx-
On a routine visit 6 months later he shamed me into trying it for a month. Turns out it nearly ruined me. GEEZ- does anyone out there take this stuff and function normally ? If so, let me know !
Stopped taking it two days ago and feel like a new man !
All for now- take care !
Under the new friend category- I attended a support group for Young Onset PD folks and am very happy to have found them. These folks are more willing to discuss their experiences and real life challenges than the older retired type support group I had been attending. Quite a bunch of characters as well I might add ! Am looking forward to getting to know them better as time goes on....
Old friend - Dan (PD PLUS ME) stopped in to read my last post. I can never get over how well Dan describes PD and its symptoms and effects on our lives. If you haven't done so, you should click on his link listed on the left.
Next subject - Cholesterol meds . Family doc put me on Zocor or tried to about 8 months ago. I read the side effects and never filled the Rx-
On a routine visit 6 months later he shamed me into trying it for a month. Turns out it nearly ruined me. GEEZ- does anyone out there take this stuff and function normally ? If so, let me know !
Stopped taking it two days ago and feel like a new man !
All for now- take care !
Monday, July 28, 2008
LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.......
Life as we know it....is over. For lots of reasons. Don't get me wrong, life isn't over , in some ways it's just getting started ..again :-)
But the life I thought I might have is certainly in an "altered state" so to speak. Hence, the quote at the top of my blog , Life is what happens when we make other plans.
This week it seems really clear to me that I am changing quite a bit in many subtle ways. PD can be such a cunning little disease that the changes are sometimes not so noticeable to the person with the disease. Or, maybe we are so preoccupied with it that we neglect to think of how some things may affect those we love.
My Mary and I were discussing two areas recently that she has had issues with and you can read about her struggles on her blog. The two areas are:
Lack of emotion or Apathy and voice changes. I know I usually tell little stories on my blog but this is kind of important....it potentially affects every relationship in my entire life.
My doctor forewarned us about facial masking and apathy but it kind of crept in without me noticing. The one person closest to me is so good about recognizing these things , I am thankful for her insights even when it pains me to admit I missed something along the way. Now that she has pointed out how it affects her I can look back and see how it may be affecting other things and other people.
For instance, I have had several customers who know me well tell me I don't look good or ask me what's wrong with me. My emotionless face and speech is showing itself in every part of my life. What this points out to me is that in order to take care of those closest to me I need to be sure I use words to express my feelings and if I can, try to force some form of emotion out of my dead pan face.
It also gives me some type of explanation for those times when someone I don't know well asks if I am all right.
I can't help but wonder how this may eventually affect my career. After all, most people know nearly squat about PD except that it makes you shake. People in general don't know anything at all about facial masking, apathy, speech changes, vision changes, rigid or slow movements etc.
To be honest , it has upset me a little. I feel bad that I missed the signs on how it was progressing. I feel worse still because I know how much worse it can and likely will get and I hate feeling like I am letting people down who love me. I have heard my sister in law say she misses the man she married ( my brother has PD+MSA)and even though it is obvious looking at him what she means, I really didn't expect to not be ME so soon I guess.
Even though it's hard to show emotions or passion with this disease it is all still there trying to get out. So, the challenge for me is to make sure the people in my life know how I feel aven when my voice and body language try to sabotage my efforts.
Thanks for the heads up my honey !
But the life I thought I might have is certainly in an "altered state" so to speak. Hence, the quote at the top of my blog , Life is what happens when we make other plans.
This week it seems really clear to me that I am changing quite a bit in many subtle ways. PD can be such a cunning little disease that the changes are sometimes not so noticeable to the person with the disease. Or, maybe we are so preoccupied with it that we neglect to think of how some things may affect those we love.
My Mary and I were discussing two areas recently that she has had issues with and you can read about her struggles on her blog. The two areas are:
Lack of emotion or Apathy and voice changes. I know I usually tell little stories on my blog but this is kind of important....it potentially affects every relationship in my entire life.
My doctor forewarned us about facial masking and apathy but it kind of crept in without me noticing. The one person closest to me is so good about recognizing these things , I am thankful for her insights even when it pains me to admit I missed something along the way. Now that she has pointed out how it affects her I can look back and see how it may be affecting other things and other people.
For instance, I have had several customers who know me well tell me I don't look good or ask me what's wrong with me. My emotionless face and speech is showing itself in every part of my life. What this points out to me is that in order to take care of those closest to me I need to be sure I use words to express my feelings and if I can, try to force some form of emotion out of my dead pan face.
It also gives me some type of explanation for those times when someone I don't know well asks if I am all right.
I can't help but wonder how this may eventually affect my career. After all, most people know nearly squat about PD except that it makes you shake. People in general don't know anything at all about facial masking, apathy, speech changes, vision changes, rigid or slow movements etc.
To be honest , it has upset me a little. I feel bad that I missed the signs on how it was progressing. I feel worse still because I know how much worse it can and likely will get and I hate feeling like I am letting people down who love me. I have heard my sister in law say she misses the man she married ( my brother has PD+MSA)and even though it is obvious looking at him what she means, I really didn't expect to not be ME so soon I guess.
Even though it's hard to show emotions or passion with this disease it is all still there trying to get out. So, the challenge for me is to make sure the people in my life know how I feel aven when my voice and body language try to sabotage my efforts.
Thanks for the heads up my honey !
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
A MIXED BAG.......
I never seem able to keep up with blogging....but I am trying ! Lots of little things to chatter about...
Remember the old lawn mower I took to my Dad ? He has used it twice and is having trouble using it due to safety lockouts ( won't start if blades are engaged ! ) and other things of a similar nature. It's pretty funny , I keep going over and showing him and he finds another way for something not to work...LOL
If you read my blog chances are you may read my wife's blog "Life with Shaky" . If not you should, that is where all the inspiration and stuff gets written and you can keep up with us better because she is blogging more than me. She recently posted about me exercising and I must comment...THANK YOU SO MUCH HONEY, YOU FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT !
Meaning I got a little credit. Basically she finally realized that I walk enough at work, I bend, stretch, workout in the yard and in the shop working on my car. Read it, please, I feel so vindicated ...
Speaking of the car, it's coming along slowly due to time issues. The subframe is removed and I will be sand blasting and repainting it soon, then a disc brake conversion will be hung on it. Hopefully before winter the body will go to the chassis shop and be cut out and a narrowed rear clip installed.
August promises to be busy- A new PD support group to attend on the 2nd. A wedding to go to on the 9th, a gun show on the 16th and a big hot rod show and swap meet on the 23rd.
Ain't lookin like I am slowing down none too much...
BUT
I have had two or three people tell me how bad I look recently. I think it is the heat, it gets to me quick now a days and probably also a little facial masking along with that rigid left arm, I probably do look bad , but I feel just fine most of the time. So , if you see me and my face is blank or I look bad, I am fine. It's just PD lurking around .
My son posted a comment about going to the go kart track again. Think I may pass on that one. I hate losing , maybe I will spectate or shoot video for him....
Well, may be more later ....
Remember the old lawn mower I took to my Dad ? He has used it twice and is having trouble using it due to safety lockouts ( won't start if blades are engaged ! ) and other things of a similar nature. It's pretty funny , I keep going over and showing him and he finds another way for something not to work...LOL
If you read my blog chances are you may read my wife's blog "Life with Shaky" . If not you should, that is where all the inspiration and stuff gets written and you can keep up with us better because she is blogging more than me. She recently posted about me exercising and I must comment...THANK YOU SO MUCH HONEY, YOU FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT !
Meaning I got a little credit. Basically she finally realized that I walk enough at work, I bend, stretch, workout in the yard and in the shop working on my car. Read it, please, I feel so vindicated ...
Speaking of the car, it's coming along slowly due to time issues. The subframe is removed and I will be sand blasting and repainting it soon, then a disc brake conversion will be hung on it. Hopefully before winter the body will go to the chassis shop and be cut out and a narrowed rear clip installed.
August promises to be busy- A new PD support group to attend on the 2nd. A wedding to go to on the 9th, a gun show on the 16th and a big hot rod show and swap meet on the 23rd.
Ain't lookin like I am slowing down none too much...
BUT
I have had two or three people tell me how bad I look recently. I think it is the heat, it gets to me quick now a days and probably also a little facial masking along with that rigid left arm, I probably do look bad , but I feel just fine most of the time. So , if you see me and my face is blank or I look bad, I am fine. It's just PD lurking around .
My son posted a comment about going to the go kart track again. Think I may pass on that one. I hate losing , maybe I will spectate or shoot video for him....
Well, may be more later ....
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
SO MUCH MORE - CONTINUED
June was a busy month for us. We took a long awaited real vacation to Virginia Beach and had a nice family time. Made some of those old time looking photo's which are really cool looking....celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary while we were there. Seems like forever but in the best possible way sweetie !
As soon as we got back I spent an hour on the go kart track with a bunch of 20 somethings- a guy that used to work for me was getting married and he started his bachelor party off with renting the kart track at VIR in Danville for all the party attendees which included my son. There was a lot of trash talking about who could outdrive whom between my son and I leading up to this event.
Let me tell you- I GOT HAMMERED !
There were fourteen of us and I had the slowest lap time at 57 seconds. My son of course had the second fastest time at around 47 seconds...He showed me that day that all the work he put into his road car and all the time he has spent learning to drive curves instead of a straight line like old Dad, all of that became real for me that day. I was already so proud of his mechanical aptitude beyond measure. I knew he was a pretty good road course driver but I didn't realize just how good until I saw him do it in the go kart.
To my defense, I am about 100 pounds heavier than most of those kids and also, the lap sheet gave average lap times of all your laps and when you look at those times I was in the middle somewhere. Meaning I drove the course HARD every lap even though it took all I had in me to do it , others ran a few good laps and took it easy. When I compete at anything, there is only one speed- WFO. Same approach to PD- full speed ahead. A friend of mine told me to hang in there today- to which I replied " It (PD) will have to come and get me because I ain't giving up "
The next week after vacation my wife had obligated us to go to Richmond to support a guy with YOPD who was motorcycling around the country to raise money for PD research. We went, me not expecting much but boy did I get a surprise. Not only did the press cover the event, they swamped us taking photo's and interviews. Partly because we drove an hour and a half to support this but mainly because I wore a shirt that had SHAKY on the front and my wife's shirt said I'M WITH SHAKY.....Everyone wanted to know where they could get them. We made the front page of the Richmond paper -local section, made ALOT of new friends and I am sure we will be back in Richmond before it's over with...
If you want to read about the motorcyle guy here is his website- www.rideagainstparkinsons.org
It got me to thinking- If he can raise $10K riding around on a scooter - as many people as I know, I should be able to do that too....let me have some feedback on that would you ?
Anyway, it's late and I am heading off to bed. We have a new baby in the house - NO we are not pregnant...foster child from Haiti here on a medical visa for surgery. Here's how this goes:
ME - skeptical, cautious and reserved
MY WIFE - enthusiastic and ready to go
ME- humbled and learning another lesson
More on this next time !
As soon as we got back I spent an hour on the go kart track with a bunch of 20 somethings- a guy that used to work for me was getting married and he started his bachelor party off with renting the kart track at VIR in Danville for all the party attendees which included my son. There was a lot of trash talking about who could outdrive whom between my son and I leading up to this event.
Let me tell you- I GOT HAMMERED !
There were fourteen of us and I had the slowest lap time at 57 seconds. My son of course had the second fastest time at around 47 seconds...He showed me that day that all the work he put into his road car and all the time he has spent learning to drive curves instead of a straight line like old Dad, all of that became real for me that day. I was already so proud of his mechanical aptitude beyond measure. I knew he was a pretty good road course driver but I didn't realize just how good until I saw him do it in the go kart.
To my defense, I am about 100 pounds heavier than most of those kids and also, the lap sheet gave average lap times of all your laps and when you look at those times I was in the middle somewhere. Meaning I drove the course HARD every lap even though it took all I had in me to do it , others ran a few good laps and took it easy. When I compete at anything, there is only one speed- WFO. Same approach to PD- full speed ahead. A friend of mine told me to hang in there today- to which I replied " It (PD) will have to come and get me because I ain't giving up "
The next week after vacation my wife had obligated us to go to Richmond to support a guy with YOPD who was motorcycling around the country to raise money for PD research. We went, me not expecting much but boy did I get a surprise. Not only did the press cover the event, they swamped us taking photo's and interviews. Partly because we drove an hour and a half to support this but mainly because I wore a shirt that had SHAKY on the front and my wife's shirt said I'M WITH SHAKY.....Everyone wanted to know where they could get them. We made the front page of the Richmond paper -local section, made ALOT of new friends and I am sure we will be back in Richmond before it's over with...
If you want to read about the motorcyle guy here is his website- www.rideagainstparkinsons.org
It got me to thinking- If he can raise $10K riding around on a scooter - as many people as I know, I should be able to do that too....let me have some feedback on that would you ?
Anyway, it's late and I am heading off to bed. We have a new baby in the house - NO we are not pregnant...foster child from Haiti here on a medical visa for surgery. Here's how this goes:
ME - skeptical, cautious and reserved
MY WIFE - enthusiastic and ready to go
ME- humbled and learning another lesson
More on this next time !
MISTRESS, MOWING AND SO MUCH MORE
WOW, my last post was in early May- long time, sorry to my one loyal reader (DP) :-)
I ended my last post saying I would tell you about my mistress next time so I guess I better keep some kind of continuity....of course it's a car. For all the years and cars, trucks and motorcycles and even boats I have bought sold and traded there is one in particular that stands out. The 1969 Camaro is far and away my all time favorite. I have owned three or four of them and it was also the very first car I ever owned. The last one was sold in the early to mid 80's before the prices of these cars went stupid. I bought that last one for $1800- sold it for $3600 and thought I was pretty savvy. Today, the same car in that condition would bring nearly $20K...
Over the years I have conditioned myself to accept that I would never be able to buy another one prices what they are...but in my last post I noted that the yellow truck got traded for another 1969 Camaro. A basket case that still ran me more than what I sold the last one for ...forurnately I could trade and get some cash to boot.
So there you are- my mistress is a 1969 Camaro for the next few years. I am telling folks that this is my last project. Most don't believe me or don't want to discourage me, but it likely is the last car I will build. You can watch my progress at www.bhsbees.com/keith
Anyway, about that grass mowing - what is so special about that ?
On Fathers Day , I finished fixing up my old riding mower which is still better than my Dad's antique riding mower. I took it to my Dad's and my son helped me install a battery and the next time Dad mowed his grass, I helped on my old mower. I actually like mowing grass you see. And I have good memories of mowing with my Dad when I was a teenager. There was just something very special about the two of us (him at 92) running around his yard mowing together. After all, he taught me to mow and he is still teaching me stuff today , when I listen...which I am much better at now that I am older. Anyway, it was a Hallmark moment that no one else likely can understand and I wanted to write about.
The other day I went by and he was getting ready to mow again. Guess which mower he used ? The one I fixed up for him. I love it when a plan comes together....
I ended my last post saying I would tell you about my mistress next time so I guess I better keep some kind of continuity....of course it's a car. For all the years and cars, trucks and motorcycles and even boats I have bought sold and traded there is one in particular that stands out. The 1969 Camaro is far and away my all time favorite. I have owned three or four of them and it was also the very first car I ever owned. The last one was sold in the early to mid 80's before the prices of these cars went stupid. I bought that last one for $1800- sold it for $3600 and thought I was pretty savvy. Today, the same car in that condition would bring nearly $20K...
Over the years I have conditioned myself to accept that I would never be able to buy another one prices what they are...but in my last post I noted that the yellow truck got traded for another 1969 Camaro. A basket case that still ran me more than what I sold the last one for ...forurnately I could trade and get some cash to boot.
So there you are- my mistress is a 1969 Camaro for the next few years. I am telling folks that this is my last project. Most don't believe me or don't want to discourage me, but it likely is the last car I will build. You can watch my progress at www.bhsbees.com/keith
Anyway, about that grass mowing - what is so special about that ?
On Fathers Day , I finished fixing up my old riding mower which is still better than my Dad's antique riding mower. I took it to my Dad's and my son helped me install a battery and the next time Dad mowed his grass, I helped on my old mower. I actually like mowing grass you see. And I have good memories of mowing with my Dad when I was a teenager. There was just something very special about the two of us (him at 92) running around his yard mowing together. After all, he taught me to mow and he is still teaching me stuff today , when I listen...which I am much better at now that I am older. Anyway, it was a Hallmark moment that no one else likely can understand and I wanted to write about.
The other day I went by and he was getting ready to mow again. Guess which mower he used ? The one I fixed up for him. I love it when a plan comes together....
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
IT'S COMPLICATED YOU SEE............
First I want to acknowledge a new friend....David S. from SoCal, thanks for stopping by and look for an e mail from me soon !
This will be a very random collection of thoughts so bear with me.
We all know stress is the enemy of PWP but how do you avoid stress these days ? Some PWP find a way to quit their jobs, spend time with family, exercise a whole bunch and apparently can exist in a zen like state 24/7. I am actually happy for those who can do that. Unfortunately I can't swing it right now. That's a little frustrating to me I admit.
I feel lucky though. I am still able to work. I can do pretty much everything I want to although sometimes I need a hand for a really tough job like changing a motor or building a flower bed. By far the biggest impact to me right now is the loss of some use on my left side and the constant fatigue after about six hours of activity. I know it is distressing to my wife when I have to crash for an hour or two and I worry about that a lot but I am trying to take shorter power naps so as not to take time from the family. If you have PD, you know what I mean about just having to lay down for a few minutes....
This past week has really been a tough one and it won't get any easier for a couple more weeks. My son swapped turbo engine into his road car over the weekend and is now in the final stages of that. Very Very proud of his expertise, work ethic, and above all his willingness to learn whatever it takes to make his dreams come true. He came up with a saying a few years ago when we were working on a GEO Tracker he wanted to build.
"It's not what you buy, it's what you build" \
Great stuff !
Along with his project, I recently made a deal to trade the yellow race truck at the top of this blog for a 1969 Camaro project car - See Quote Above...:-)
We had to pull the motor and transmission out of the truck today so it could leave Friday. Needless to say I am beat but excited about this new project- more on that in my next post.
So I am busy in the shop, busy at work, trying to get a Mothers Day trip to the beach in this weekend to treat my sweetie, dealing with typical pre teen issues, trying to understand why my paycheck doesn't go as far when I am making more than ever ( gas, groceries, etc are a big source of frustration) but somehow .....even though it's complicated, life is sure worth it.
I had a special Daddy moment tonight. Right after pulling the motor out of the hot rod , totally drained of energy and starving.....eating dinner....
My 17 month old daughter was playing with a keyboard that play little tunes and her mom told her to dance...which she promptly did. Very cute.
Then she called to her mom and held out her hand wanting mommy to dance , which she did of course. Even more cute.
Then of course my little baby girl held out her hand towards me and said - Daddy ! She wanted me to dance with her next. For just one or two seconds I considered making the excuse that Daddy was just too wore out to dance. But then I thought about how old I am (52) and having PD and it hit me that there was a pretty good chance I might not be able to dance with her one day sometime in the future. For sure not at her wedding. So we danced. First seperate, where I invented a new step called The Shaky Shuffle, and then with her in my arms twirling her around.
What a special moment brought to me by PD. If not for PD I would take that kind of thing for granted but instead, it's like the latin saying " Carpe Diem" - Sieze the Day ! Or in this case moment...which brings me to another saying I like - coined by a friend of mine who lost her battle with Cancer about five years ago. She said " Every one you don't take is one you don't get" meaning opportunities of any type.
So , you see it is complicated. I figure If I can find something about PD that I can be thankful for that makes a better person or Daddy, then my day was a success. Hope yours was as good as mine.
Next time I will tell you about my mistress......
This will be a very random collection of thoughts so bear with me.
We all know stress is the enemy of PWP but how do you avoid stress these days ? Some PWP find a way to quit their jobs, spend time with family, exercise a whole bunch and apparently can exist in a zen like state 24/7. I am actually happy for those who can do that. Unfortunately I can't swing it right now. That's a little frustrating to me I admit.
I feel lucky though. I am still able to work. I can do pretty much everything I want to although sometimes I need a hand for a really tough job like changing a motor or building a flower bed. By far the biggest impact to me right now is the loss of some use on my left side and the constant fatigue after about six hours of activity. I know it is distressing to my wife when I have to crash for an hour or two and I worry about that a lot but I am trying to take shorter power naps so as not to take time from the family. If you have PD, you know what I mean about just having to lay down for a few minutes....
This past week has really been a tough one and it won't get any easier for a couple more weeks. My son swapped turbo engine into his road car over the weekend and is now in the final stages of that. Very Very proud of his expertise, work ethic, and above all his willingness to learn whatever it takes to make his dreams come true. He came up with a saying a few years ago when we were working on a GEO Tracker he wanted to build.
"It's not what you buy, it's what you build" \
Great stuff !
Along with his project, I recently made a deal to trade the yellow race truck at the top of this blog for a 1969 Camaro project car - See Quote Above...:-)
We had to pull the motor and transmission out of the truck today so it could leave Friday. Needless to say I am beat but excited about this new project- more on that in my next post.
So I am busy in the shop, busy at work, trying to get a Mothers Day trip to the beach in this weekend to treat my sweetie, dealing with typical pre teen issues, trying to understand why my paycheck doesn't go as far when I am making more than ever ( gas, groceries, etc are a big source of frustration) but somehow .....even though it's complicated, life is sure worth it.
I had a special Daddy moment tonight. Right after pulling the motor out of the hot rod , totally drained of energy and starving.....eating dinner....
My 17 month old daughter was playing with a keyboard that play little tunes and her mom told her to dance...which she promptly did. Very cute.
Then she called to her mom and held out her hand wanting mommy to dance , which she did of course. Even more cute.
Then of course my little baby girl held out her hand towards me and said - Daddy ! She wanted me to dance with her next. For just one or two seconds I considered making the excuse that Daddy was just too wore out to dance. But then I thought about how old I am (52) and having PD and it hit me that there was a pretty good chance I might not be able to dance with her one day sometime in the future. For sure not at her wedding. So we danced. First seperate, where I invented a new step called The Shaky Shuffle, and then with her in my arms twirling her around.
What a special moment brought to me by PD. If not for PD I would take that kind of thing for granted but instead, it's like the latin saying " Carpe Diem" - Sieze the Day ! Or in this case moment...which brings me to another saying I like - coined by a friend of mine who lost her battle with Cancer about five years ago. She said " Every one you don't take is one you don't get" meaning opportunities of any type.
So , you see it is complicated. I figure If I can find something about PD that I can be thankful for that makes a better person or Daddy, then my day was a success. Hope yours was as good as mine.
Next time I will tell you about my mistress......
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
SAY WHAT ?
I know you didn't .......slam me intentionally that is !
My wife has her own blog " Life with Shaky" which is her on line journal about our life and dealing with my PD. She has an ongoing series it seems - Confessions of a PD wife.
I often learn things I may never have known reading her stuff and sometimes I feel compelled to defend myself a little. You must understand though that she has vowed to not hold back and be honest and she admits that sometimes she blogs about how she is feeling at that very moment and it may come across as harsh to some readers. This point was driven home recently by a friend of mine who reads both blogs. He commented to me that I better get shakin so to speak ( cute play on words huh ?) so first, I defend her. Everything she writes is out of love and concern for me even if she has to slam me. As well, she has a lot to deal with both now and going forward and as I said, even I learn interesting things reading her blog.
So how do I respond to her Confessions of a PD wife ? Either my jaw drops or I laugh out loud...
For instance:
Honey,
I will teach you how to mow the grass on the riding mower, don't let that keep you up nights.
You won't need to take care of vehicles, you have a motor head step son who will have your back.
I did finally find the right weight machine and I am using it , some.....:-)
I have made some changes with my free time vs. hobbies vs. your honey do list .....don't I listen well ? LOL
The one serious thing .....my memory is fine !!! You must understand- guys don't remember everything like women. We are far too lazy. If it's important in our minds we remember. If not we let it go.
Big difference in our writing style. But in the end it works for us.
Meet me in the shop honey , I'll show you how to mow if you will remember some stuff for me....sounds like a good trade to me.
Anyone else out there care to comment on the difference in male memory and female memory ?
C'mon be brave - step up and help me out.
My wife has her own blog " Life with Shaky" which is her on line journal about our life and dealing with my PD. She has an ongoing series it seems - Confessions of a PD wife.
I often learn things I may never have known reading her stuff and sometimes I feel compelled to defend myself a little. You must understand though that she has vowed to not hold back and be honest and she admits that sometimes she blogs about how she is feeling at that very moment and it may come across as harsh to some readers. This point was driven home recently by a friend of mine who reads both blogs. He commented to me that I better get shakin so to speak ( cute play on words huh ?) so first, I defend her. Everything she writes is out of love and concern for me even if she has to slam me. As well, she has a lot to deal with both now and going forward and as I said, even I learn interesting things reading her blog.
So how do I respond to her Confessions of a PD wife ? Either my jaw drops or I laugh out loud...
For instance:
Honey,
I will teach you how to mow the grass on the riding mower, don't let that keep you up nights.
You won't need to take care of vehicles, you have a motor head step son who will have your back.
I did finally find the right weight machine and I am using it , some.....:-)
I have made some changes with my free time vs. hobbies vs. your honey do list .....don't I listen well ? LOL
The one serious thing .....my memory is fine !!! You must understand- guys don't remember everything like women. We are far too lazy. If it's important in our minds we remember. If not we let it go.
Big difference in our writing style. But in the end it works for us.
Meet me in the shop honey , I'll show you how to mow if you will remember some stuff for me....sounds like a good trade to me.
Anyone else out there care to comment on the difference in male memory and female memory ?
C'mon be brave - step up and help me out.
I QUIT !
I finally give up. Game over as my son Bryan says....After building, racing and enjoying my hot rod for years I am ready to admit I can't do what I used to.
In my earlier post you may remember I recently put a new motor in the truck and have been working the bugs out....the bugs won.
No time, no patience, stress I don't need. So tonight I waved the white flag. I am sure I will work on it again and soon, but I have one of the best friends ever and he has been so good to me over the years.....a fellow drag racer.
This guy gives me more grief than both my ex -wives, my lovely wife and every old girlfriend I can think of...24/7 nagging, teasing, belittling, in general a perfect ass towards me. That is, unless it's quiet and no one else is around. In which case he shares his private thoughts on life and happens to have a heart the size of Texas. I can't tell you how many times I have seen people take advantage of his kindness and talents when it comes to cars or anything else for that matter.
My wife knows his ring tone on my cell phone ( which I purposely made the most obnoxious one I could find :-) and when it goes off she either groans and rolls her eyes or starts singing " Secret Lover" !
Anyway to cut to the chase , he is a one in a million kind of guy who most people never get to know in any depth. Fortunately, for me, we have a friendship I think we both value a lot. Either of us would do anything the other asked if we possibly could. After irritating the other as much as possible of course...
He has seen my brother with PD and he has more of an understanding of where I am going than nearly anyone else except my wife and my family. And he still makes fun of me for shaking which I know is all in fun. The other day a mutual friend of ours made some crack about me moving at a snails pace....in a large group of guys hanging around the race shop. My close buddy shot me a glance and later told me it really ticked him off because our mutual friend has not even figured out there is a reason for my stooped shuffle / shake. Secretly defensive and protective of me...kind of nice.
So I will work on the hot rod again. But my buddy has already agreed to finish the de-bugging , tuning etc. I will make him take some form of payment because I refuse to take advantage of his friendship. But it is nice to know that someone other than family has my back ya know ? How many people do you meet in your lifetime that you know will be there for you ?
One of the funniest things we have laughed about happened right after I was diagnosed with PD. We were talking about me one day having to use a hoveround, one of those electric scooters....and he said if it ever came to that he would fix one up that would be so fast it would need wheelie bars. And he would do it too.
So tonight I will sleep a little better knowing that sooner or later, together, we will find all the bugs and fix them. What a guy....
By the way, if you ever read this .....you still owe me two dinners. See ya at the races !
In my earlier post you may remember I recently put a new motor in the truck and have been working the bugs out....the bugs won.
No time, no patience, stress I don't need. So tonight I waved the white flag. I am sure I will work on it again and soon, but I have one of the best friends ever and he has been so good to me over the years.....a fellow drag racer.
This guy gives me more grief than both my ex -wives, my lovely wife and every old girlfriend I can think of...24/7 nagging, teasing, belittling, in general a perfect ass towards me. That is, unless it's quiet and no one else is around. In which case he shares his private thoughts on life and happens to have a heart the size of Texas. I can't tell you how many times I have seen people take advantage of his kindness and talents when it comes to cars or anything else for that matter.
My wife knows his ring tone on my cell phone ( which I purposely made the most obnoxious one I could find :-) and when it goes off she either groans and rolls her eyes or starts singing " Secret Lover" !
Anyway to cut to the chase , he is a one in a million kind of guy who most people never get to know in any depth. Fortunately, for me, we have a friendship I think we both value a lot. Either of us would do anything the other asked if we possibly could. After irritating the other as much as possible of course...
He has seen my brother with PD and he has more of an understanding of where I am going than nearly anyone else except my wife and my family. And he still makes fun of me for shaking which I know is all in fun. The other day a mutual friend of ours made some crack about me moving at a snails pace....in a large group of guys hanging around the race shop. My close buddy shot me a glance and later told me it really ticked him off because our mutual friend has not even figured out there is a reason for my stooped shuffle / shake. Secretly defensive and protective of me...kind of nice.
So I will work on the hot rod again. But my buddy has already agreed to finish the de-bugging , tuning etc. I will make him take some form of payment because I refuse to take advantage of his friendship. But it is nice to know that someone other than family has my back ya know ? How many people do you meet in your lifetime that you know will be there for you ?
One of the funniest things we have laughed about happened right after I was diagnosed with PD. We were talking about me one day having to use a hoveround, one of those electric scooters....and he said if it ever came to that he would fix one up that would be so fast it would need wheelie bars. And he would do it too.
So tonight I will sleep a little better knowing that sooner or later, together, we will find all the bugs and fix them. What a guy....
By the way, if you ever read this .....you still owe me two dinners. See ya at the races !
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
CALM, COOL AND COLLECTED......ALMOST
As you can probably guess, I am a car nut. Have been all my life. In specific, I love drag racing and high horsepower Chevrolet engines. Yes, that is me driving the bright yellow drag truck a few years ago. I still own it. As a matter of fact I have just finished putting a new engine in it. Still working out a few bugs....
This past weekend I took it for a short test drive in the neighborhood and when I returned , my tremor was off the charts and I commented to my son that driving it made me so nervous anymore that I should probably sell it.
It's not the first time he and I had this discussion but this time he took time to question me more closely.How can something I love doing and have been comfortable doing my whole life make you nervous he wondered ? Good question....
I made the same comment about selling the hot rod to my best friend, Jr. , who is also afflicted with the drag race bug and he told me it was all in my head, get over it he said....
Well, all this talk made me wonder ....how can I accurately explain to people what I am feeling ?
It was obvious to me that two important people in my life DID NOT understand...So, what to do....Ask my wife of course. If you read her blog you already know she is a great writer, communicator and very smart. I was not disappointed.
She immediately pointed out that anything that gets my adrenaline pumping makes my tremors much worse. When my tremor is worse, I get stressed even more and around and around we go until the adrenaline slows down in about fifteen minutes. I knew this was true because it doesn't have to be something unpleasant in order for my adrenaline to pump and the tremors to kick in full force. Use your imagination to think of something pleasant that may get my adrenaline pumping...:-)
After having my sweetie explain the obvious to me I realized that my son and my friend did me a huge favor in forcing me to examine the real issue. I am not using the right description in telling people how the tremors feel. I am not nervous driving my hot rod, only pumped up. The same rush I used to get driving and racing fast cars now produces an ugly side effect....tremors. But it isn't because I am nervous. The tremors may make me appear nervous and I certainly get irritated with the tremors but it isn't nerves.
I drove it again today and felt better. It's loud, it shakes the earth, small children are scared of it and guys all up and down the road give me a thumbs up when they see me out in it. Teen age boys take pictures of it on their cell phone cameras and it generally draws a crowd in a parking lot. If you would like to see more of my hot rod, you can go to www.bhsbees.com/keith.
I know sometime in the near future I won't be able to drive it and that will be a sad day. But until then, keep an eye out for the cops would you ?
This past weekend I took it for a short test drive in the neighborhood and when I returned , my tremor was off the charts and I commented to my son that driving it made me so nervous anymore that I should probably sell it.
It's not the first time he and I had this discussion but this time he took time to question me more closely.How can something I love doing and have been comfortable doing my whole life make you nervous he wondered ? Good question....
I made the same comment about selling the hot rod to my best friend, Jr. , who is also afflicted with the drag race bug and he told me it was all in my head, get over it he said....
Well, all this talk made me wonder ....how can I accurately explain to people what I am feeling ?
It was obvious to me that two important people in my life DID NOT understand...So, what to do....Ask my wife of course. If you read her blog you already know she is a great writer, communicator and very smart. I was not disappointed.
She immediately pointed out that anything that gets my adrenaline pumping makes my tremors much worse. When my tremor is worse, I get stressed even more and around and around we go until the adrenaline slows down in about fifteen minutes. I knew this was true because it doesn't have to be something unpleasant in order for my adrenaline to pump and the tremors to kick in full force. Use your imagination to think of something pleasant that may get my adrenaline pumping...:-)
After having my sweetie explain the obvious to me I realized that my son and my friend did me a huge favor in forcing me to examine the real issue. I am not using the right description in telling people how the tremors feel. I am not nervous driving my hot rod, only pumped up. The same rush I used to get driving and racing fast cars now produces an ugly side effect....tremors. But it isn't because I am nervous. The tremors may make me appear nervous and I certainly get irritated with the tremors but it isn't nerves.
I drove it again today and felt better. It's loud, it shakes the earth, small children are scared of it and guys all up and down the road give me a thumbs up when they see me out in it. Teen age boys take pictures of it on their cell phone cameras and it generally draws a crowd in a parking lot. If you would like to see more of my hot rod, you can go to www.bhsbees.com/keith.
I know sometime in the near future I won't be able to drive it and that will be a sad day. But until then, keep an eye out for the cops would you ?
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I Can't Believe I'm This Poor !
It's all about where you've been .......
This is a two part post. In order to really get the full effect you must also read my wife's blog titled Life with Shaky and her latest post, I can't believe I'm this Rich !
The story begins the other night when my wife and I were discussing money, bills and the current economic downturn in this country. I complained that we were just barely scraping by these days. We have had numerous conversations over the last year about how high gas prices are going, how it affects the price of almost everything else and how difficult it seems to make ends meet anymore.
Actually, we have taken some drastic steps over the past year or so to try and become debt free with the exception of mortgage and normal household expenses and we are close to achieving that goal.
BUT, you have to understand that I am a worrier. In fact if I got paid by the hour for worrying, all our bills would be paid and we would have a big savings account !
Anyway, as I lamented the cost of living and our barely scraping by in my eyes, she was laughing ! At about the same time we both said what a great idea for a blog post....opposite viewpoints on one of the big issues every couple must learn to solve !
You can read about her perspective as I noted above.
My frustration is more based on the current economy and gas prices. I make decenet money. And as she says in her post we actually ARE NOT just scraping by. But ten years ago, the kind of money I make would have been enough to go, do, buy , whatever I wanted.
I hate the fact that I have to plan, manage and execute carefully when it comes to money. I do that enough at work ya know ?
I hate the fact that traveling abroad is now dangerous and outrageously expensive.
I hate that I can't spend $100 on whatever I decide I want without making sure it won't run me short on a bill.
The UP side of this post ?
I talk to people every day who have NOT managed their money well. I have friends who make bad decisions in spending or who made bad decisions in the past and are most certainly going to suffer the consequences in the near future.
The reality is this ....we don't just scrape by really. My beautiful wife is a lot of things. Talented writer, wonderful mother and wife, fun, witty, strong, very smart and best of all, she keeps me in check when I worry too much.
We own a nice home on the lake, no big thing, needs some things here and there.
We have four cars all paid for with a million miles on three of them. The fourth one is at the top of my blog and I guess I don't know anyone that is scraping by and owns and drives a 7 second hot rod.
We have cell phones, cable TV, internet, food to eat and clothes to wear.
I guess it's true, perspective is everything. Our two perspectives, while on opposite ends of the spectrum, always seem to keep us on balance.
So, even when I lament about just barely scraping and feeling poor , I am actually rich beyond compare...............because there's you in my life.
This is a two part post. In order to really get the full effect you must also read my wife's blog titled Life with Shaky and her latest post, I can't believe I'm this Rich !
The story begins the other night when my wife and I were discussing money, bills and the current economic downturn in this country. I complained that we were just barely scraping by these days. We have had numerous conversations over the last year about how high gas prices are going, how it affects the price of almost everything else and how difficult it seems to make ends meet anymore.
Actually, we have taken some drastic steps over the past year or so to try and become debt free with the exception of mortgage and normal household expenses and we are close to achieving that goal.
BUT, you have to understand that I am a worrier. In fact if I got paid by the hour for worrying, all our bills would be paid and we would have a big savings account !
Anyway, as I lamented the cost of living and our barely scraping by in my eyes, she was laughing ! At about the same time we both said what a great idea for a blog post....opposite viewpoints on one of the big issues every couple must learn to solve !
You can read about her perspective as I noted above.
My frustration is more based on the current economy and gas prices. I make decenet money. And as she says in her post we actually ARE NOT just scraping by. But ten years ago, the kind of money I make would have been enough to go, do, buy , whatever I wanted.
I hate the fact that I have to plan, manage and execute carefully when it comes to money. I do that enough at work ya know ?
I hate the fact that traveling abroad is now dangerous and outrageously expensive.
I hate that I can't spend $100 on whatever I decide I want without making sure it won't run me short on a bill.
The UP side of this post ?
I talk to people every day who have NOT managed their money well. I have friends who make bad decisions in spending or who made bad decisions in the past and are most certainly going to suffer the consequences in the near future.
The reality is this ....we don't just scrape by really. My beautiful wife is a lot of things. Talented writer, wonderful mother and wife, fun, witty, strong, very smart and best of all, she keeps me in check when I worry too much.
We own a nice home on the lake, no big thing, needs some things here and there.
We have four cars all paid for with a million miles on three of them. The fourth one is at the top of my blog and I guess I don't know anyone that is scraping by and owns and drives a 7 second hot rod.
We have cell phones, cable TV, internet, food to eat and clothes to wear.
I guess it's true, perspective is everything. Our two perspectives, while on opposite ends of the spectrum, always seem to keep us on balance.
So, even when I lament about just barely scraping and feeling poor , I am actually rich beyond compare...............because there's you in my life.
Friday, April 4, 2008
How long ?
I recently got a comment from another blogger with PD that was very kind and sincere. She said my post "Who is the victim in all this anyway" had struck a nerve and like everyone I like positive attention. It's nice to know someone got something out of what I wrote.
Tonight however instead of medical issues or stories about my past or even present , I want to vent my frustration so bear with me....
How long ?
I suppose everyone wants to know if they are honest. Even children in their limited knowledge of the world around them still ask, How long before we get there ? How long before dinner is ready? How long before bedtime? We all grow up wondering how long ?
As we become young adults, our questions change.
How long before I meet someone and marry....have kids....buy a house....get that promotion...
As we become middle aged....how long before the house is paid for .... before I can retire.....before I become a grand parent ...
If we are blessed as my Dad has been ( He's 92) we might ask how long before I die ?
That's natural.
Unfortunately, some never see the end coming or it comes too soon. For anyone diagnosed with a medical condition such as PD ( but not just PD, any chronic, degenerative disease ) the questions about " How Long" multiply like bunny rabbits.
I know, it's probably better not to ask or be able to find out, but like a child riding in a car we can no more help wondering than we can help taking our next breath.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to know about dying. I know all I need to know about that. I will die. When , where and how is not up to me and just knowing that I will die and accepting that fact enables me to live each day in a better way.
No, what I am wanting is more complex....How long before PD will force me to retire....stop picking up my beautiful baby girl...
How long before I get a good idea of how fast it is progressing ? How long before I can't type ....drive....drive a hot rod .....
How long ?
It's apparently the question we are born to ask all our lives and can never fully get answered.
Personally, it's particularly frustrating to me because of my personality. From what I know, have read and see in other PD patients it may be another five to ten years before see more , really serious issues...I sure would like to know.
But you know what ? I guess it isn't going to be tonight, tomorrow or next week and likely not next month or even next year....so the best thing I can do is live while I can right ?
Glad you guys helped me work that out, Thanks !
Until next time,
Shaky
Tonight however instead of medical issues or stories about my past or even present , I want to vent my frustration so bear with me....
How long ?
I suppose everyone wants to know if they are honest. Even children in their limited knowledge of the world around them still ask, How long before we get there ? How long before dinner is ready? How long before bedtime? We all grow up wondering how long ?
As we become young adults, our questions change.
How long before I meet someone and marry....have kids....buy a house....get that promotion...
As we become middle aged....how long before the house is paid for .... before I can retire.....before I become a grand parent ...
If we are blessed as my Dad has been ( He's 92) we might ask how long before I die ?
That's natural.
Unfortunately, some never see the end coming or it comes too soon. For anyone diagnosed with a medical condition such as PD ( but not just PD, any chronic, degenerative disease ) the questions about " How Long" multiply like bunny rabbits.
I know, it's probably better not to ask or be able to find out, but like a child riding in a car we can no more help wondering than we can help taking our next breath.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to know about dying. I know all I need to know about that. I will die. When , where and how is not up to me and just knowing that I will die and accepting that fact enables me to live each day in a better way.
No, what I am wanting is more complex....How long before PD will force me to retire....stop picking up my beautiful baby girl...
How long before I get a good idea of how fast it is progressing ? How long before I can't type ....drive....drive a hot rod .....
How long ?
It's apparently the question we are born to ask all our lives and can never fully get answered.
Personally, it's particularly frustrating to me because of my personality. From what I know, have read and see in other PD patients it may be another five to ten years before see more , really serious issues...I sure would like to know.
But you know what ? I guess it isn't going to be tonight, tomorrow or next week and likely not next month or even next year....so the best thing I can do is live while I can right ?
Glad you guys helped me work that out, Thanks !
Until next time,
Shaky
LINKED UP !
My wife ( bless her heart ) sometimes has more time than me to surf the net, look for information or other blogs dealing with PD. I appreciate the time she spends on me more than I probably show...
Today she was very excited about a blog by Patient on line ( Dan ) who has Parkinson's Plus and when I checked out his site tonight I can see why she was so excited. Dan is educated, articulate and his site is full of very good information on PD and all it's many forms. I will get her to link his blog to mine tomorrow. He is already linked on my wife's blog Life with Shaky.
If you want to be well informed either as a caregiver, family or friend I encourage you all to visit this guy ! Nice job Dan !
I can never find enough time to write but I have a new topic in mind so stay tuned....
Today she was very excited about a blog by Patient on line ( Dan ) who has Parkinson's Plus and when I checked out his site tonight I can see why she was so excited. Dan is educated, articulate and his site is full of very good information on PD and all it's many forms. I will get her to link his blog to mine tomorrow. He is already linked on my wife's blog Life with Shaky.
If you want to be well informed either as a caregiver, family or friend I encourage you all to visit this guy ! Nice job Dan !
I can never find enough time to write but I have a new topic in mind so stay tuned....
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Boxing Therapy and other short topics
ABC News aired a short segment on Boxing as a way to combat the effects of PD. I didn't see the program but read the transcript. I must say that if they have had the success claimed, where do I sign up ? Don't know how I could start a similar group here but have shot an e mail off to the President of YPIndiana and hope to hear back from him.
If you are confused by one of my recent posts it will help if you first read the post on my wife's blog where she notes confessions and fears she has regarding my PD. Her blog is linked here and is titled Life with Shaky....
I recently bought a little S-10 pick up truck, lowered, which several people have been kind enough to point out is about 30 years too young for me. Toying with the idea of painting it myself because I always wanted to paint my own ride and painting is one of the few things I have never tried when it comes to hot rodding. We'll see. Speaking of hot rodding, my son developed the same passion and is much better than I ever will be with trying anything and making it work. Afraid of nothing, an excellant mechanical mind, I am so proud of what he has done with his hot rods. Once I get the new truck finished and my old race car motor back together we are planning to park all four hot rods together and take a picture of our rides and us. When that happens, my photo will change on the blog....He even coined a slogan for the way we feel about cars...
"It's not what you buy, It's what you build" Pretty cool huh ?
I need to get back to story telling. I think next time I will post about how we came to have our youngest, little 15 month Rielly-Anne...
Later
If you are confused by one of my recent posts it will help if you first read the post on my wife's blog where she notes confessions and fears she has regarding my PD. Her blog is linked here and is titled Life with Shaky....
I recently bought a little S-10 pick up truck, lowered, which several people have been kind enough to point out is about 30 years too young for me. Toying with the idea of painting it myself because I always wanted to paint my own ride and painting is one of the few things I have never tried when it comes to hot rodding. We'll see. Speaking of hot rodding, my son developed the same passion and is much better than I ever will be with trying anything and making it work. Afraid of nothing, an excellant mechanical mind, I am so proud of what he has done with his hot rods. Once I get the new truck finished and my old race car motor back together we are planning to park all four hot rods together and take a picture of our rides and us. When that happens, my photo will change on the blog....He even coined a slogan for the way we feel about cars...
"It's not what you buy, It's what you build" Pretty cool huh ?
I need to get back to story telling. I think next time I will post about how we came to have our youngest, little 15 month Rielly-Anne...
Later
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
WHO IS THE VICTIM IN ALL THIS ANYWAY ?
If you read my previous post you know by now that I am not the victim, not anymore at least. So who is ?
Based on some recent posts by my sweet wife I am afraid she may be the victim in all this....she obviously has some guilt about me moving a little slower than she would like and other such things. She posted "Confessions of a wife whose husband has PD " or something like that on her blog "Life with Shaky" - go read it, I should probably read it again, take notes and then respond. But I'm too lazy and this way if I remember wrong I have an out so to speak :-)
Anyway, WIFE, I say to you:
* Sorry for the times when I frustrate you and if I move too slow at times. It's OK. I get frustrated too, as long as you know I am doing all I can, It's all good !
* You won't crack under pressure, you are strong, you are my rock and I trust you .
* Don't worry about money. Do all you can , plan for the worst, hope for the best and know that everything is in God's plan for us.
* PD IS NO BIG DEAL TO ANYONE EXCEPT PWP AND THEIR FAMILIES. If someone doesn't seem to think it's a big deal it is likely due to ignorance. Unlike PD, ignorance can be cured, STUPID is forever. Don't sweat the small stuff honey. Concentrate being happy today.
* Anyone who thinks having a child ( if you want to have one ) at any age, with any illness is STUPID, not ignorant. See above about no known cure for STUPID.
Our children , all three of them are gifts and cannot be mistakes by anyone of normal mental capacity.
* Why would you want to skip out on me, we just got started good :-)
* I know you sometimes must feel sorry for yourself, we all do some day or another. Please refer to my post on choosing to live while I can. Don't waste your time on sorry, lets figure out how to live like tomorrow may not come...
* Don't let our kids feel sorry either , let's teach them to LIVE
* We ARE perfectly happy- not " except for PD " BUT IN SPITE OF PD !!!
* No hard feelings on the surgery my honey, look where it got us ! A good trade in my book !
* If something happened to you, I would get help taking care of the kids, don't worry, LIVE. You can't change yesterday, tomorrow isn't promised so quit worrying.
* You want more kids ? Remember how we do that ? ( Couldn't help myself sorry , gotta have a little fun with you ! )
To give action to something I recently learned , if you don't know, let me tell you:
I love you to pieces, you make me very happy, you are a wonderful mother and I know when the time comes you will take good care to me. You are the best. You are the love to me life.
I know it's not easy to be married to a PWP and mostly I feel worse for you than me , but let's not be defeated. I refuse to wave the white flag. Now..............lets GET TO IT ! LIVING that is....
Based on some recent posts by my sweet wife I am afraid she may be the victim in all this....she obviously has some guilt about me moving a little slower than she would like and other such things. She posted "Confessions of a wife whose husband has PD " or something like that on her blog "Life with Shaky" - go read it, I should probably read it again, take notes and then respond. But I'm too lazy and this way if I remember wrong I have an out so to speak :-)
Anyway, WIFE, I say to you:
* Sorry for the times when I frustrate you and if I move too slow at times. It's OK. I get frustrated too, as long as you know I am doing all I can, It's all good !
* You won't crack under pressure, you are strong, you are my rock and I trust you .
* Don't worry about money. Do all you can , plan for the worst, hope for the best and know that everything is in God's plan for us.
* PD IS NO BIG DEAL TO ANYONE EXCEPT PWP AND THEIR FAMILIES. If someone doesn't seem to think it's a big deal it is likely due to ignorance. Unlike PD, ignorance can be cured, STUPID is forever. Don't sweat the small stuff honey. Concentrate being happy today.
* Anyone who thinks having a child ( if you want to have one ) at any age, with any illness is STUPID, not ignorant. See above about no known cure for STUPID.
Our children , all three of them are gifts and cannot be mistakes by anyone of normal mental capacity.
* Why would you want to skip out on me, we just got started good :-)
* I know you sometimes must feel sorry for yourself, we all do some day or another. Please refer to my post on choosing to live while I can. Don't waste your time on sorry, lets figure out how to live like tomorrow may not come...
* Don't let our kids feel sorry either , let's teach them to LIVE
* We ARE perfectly happy- not " except for PD " BUT IN SPITE OF PD !!!
* No hard feelings on the surgery my honey, look where it got us ! A good trade in my book !
* If something happened to you, I would get help taking care of the kids, don't worry, LIVE. You can't change yesterday, tomorrow isn't promised so quit worrying.
* You want more kids ? Remember how we do that ? ( Couldn't help myself sorry , gotta have a little fun with you ! )
To give action to something I recently learned , if you don't know, let me tell you:
I love you to pieces, you make me very happy, you are a wonderful mother and I know when the time comes you will take good care to me. You are the best. You are the love to me life.
I know it's not easy to be married to a PWP and mostly I feel worse for you than me , but let's not be defeated. I refuse to wave the white flag. Now..............lets GET TO IT ! LIVING that is....
THE WORLD DIDN'T STOP TURNING..........
A quick note about a new book I just started....The title is "Tuesday's with Morrie" and it's written by Mitch Albom who also wrote " The Five People You Meet in Heaven"
Once I finish the book I will write more about it but the very beginning struck a nerve....when any of us is told we have a chronic, devastating disease like PD or even a terminal disease like ALS ....one of the first hurdles we have to overcome is the realization that the world is not going to stop turning, life is going to go on as before with or without us and we can choose to live while we still can or we can throw the towel in and not live at all.
Recently I attended my second PD support group meeting and sort of turned a corner in respect to my thinking. Within the group there are many many people with PD who have lived with it for years. Although still working and living a somewhat normal life my mind had already resigned itself to defeat by PD.
More than a year after diagnosis I realized that although I am unable to live like I used to, unable to do some things I used to, I am still doing most things and I likely have a lot of living left to do.
We tend to forget how fragile and precious life is in the day to day rat race of life in general and we forget that it can all end in the blink of an eye for any of us for a whole host of reasons. So why feel defeated ? Why not live every day enjoying all of it we can ? That is the choice I have made and it has opened me up to a much happier existence, even with the shadow of PD lurking beneath the surface.
This new book promises to open my eyes even further as it deals with the business of dying so stay tuned, I expect to have a lot to say about it soon...
But now I must open a new post directed at caregivers/spouses.....
Once I finish the book I will write more about it but the very beginning struck a nerve....when any of us is told we have a chronic, devastating disease like PD or even a terminal disease like ALS ....one of the first hurdles we have to overcome is the realization that the world is not going to stop turning, life is going to go on as before with or without us and we can choose to live while we still can or we can throw the towel in and not live at all.
Recently I attended my second PD support group meeting and sort of turned a corner in respect to my thinking. Within the group there are many many people with PD who have lived with it for years. Although still working and living a somewhat normal life my mind had already resigned itself to defeat by PD.
More than a year after diagnosis I realized that although I am unable to live like I used to, unable to do some things I used to, I am still doing most things and I likely have a lot of living left to do.
We tend to forget how fragile and precious life is in the day to day rat race of life in general and we forget that it can all end in the blink of an eye for any of us for a whole host of reasons. So why feel defeated ? Why not live every day enjoying all of it we can ? That is the choice I have made and it has opened me up to a much happier existence, even with the shadow of PD lurking beneath the surface.
This new book promises to open my eyes even further as it deals with the business of dying so stay tuned, I expect to have a lot to say about it soon...
But now I must open a new post directed at caregivers/spouses.....
Monday, February 4, 2008
A VISIT WITH THE NEUROLOGIST
Well, as I said before, we were pregnant and less than a month from delivery when I finally went to a Neurologist.
My first stop was at the local level here in town where the doctor said he was certain I had PD but in order to eliminate stroke and other possible issues he ordered an MRI and some other stuff I don't recall.
What lead to me going in the first place was the fact that the tremors on my left side had become much more visible and I felt that I had lost a lot of strength on that side. My wife had watched these changes occur ever so slowly and I could feel them now in my own body. One other person that works for me at Advance Auto also noticed the loss of arm swing and loss of use in my left arm even before I really noticed it. When she questioned me and I started to take notice I was kind of shocked that it had happened so slowly I had not been aware of it. Thanks TK !
Anyway, I had also noted a couple other things and I knew it was time to go get the news I had known myself for several years confirmed.
The local guy looked over the tests and recommended a world class research neurologist at UVA , we will call Doctor Fred. I knew of him thru my brother who had been diagnosed 5 years earlier and my appointment with him was set. He agreed and provided a little more insight...
By now, my older brother had been diagnosed with PD+MSA which is a much more devastating and fast moving strain of PD. Dr. Fred told me that there was only about a 3% chance mine would turn out like that. That was a year and a half ago but I won't fully believe that until I hit about 5 years in and don't see signs of MSA. I will tell you, it is a terrible manifestation of an already nasty illness and it scares me to death.
Dr. Fred also taught me how to "feel" the stiffness in my left side and started me on a drug called mirapex. Check out the side effects of these little jewels sometime when you have time....
Anyway, my wife felt I was in denial because I came home and went to work the next day and it life as usual. I was relieved to know for sure what I had been guessing for years and saw no reason to get all excited. They say knowledge is power....They also say ignorance is bliss....I never can figure out who "They" are but "They" must be pretty smart folks because both are true just at different times.
In my case , what my wife took as being in denial was just my phase of ignorance is bliss. Even though I knew some about PD, I would soon find out and experience more than I cared to know. It is safe to say that I am ignorant no longer.............more to come.
My first stop was at the local level here in town where the doctor said he was certain I had PD but in order to eliminate stroke and other possible issues he ordered an MRI and some other stuff I don't recall.
What lead to me going in the first place was the fact that the tremors on my left side had become much more visible and I felt that I had lost a lot of strength on that side. My wife had watched these changes occur ever so slowly and I could feel them now in my own body. One other person that works for me at Advance Auto also noticed the loss of arm swing and loss of use in my left arm even before I really noticed it. When she questioned me and I started to take notice I was kind of shocked that it had happened so slowly I had not been aware of it. Thanks TK !
Anyway, I had also noted a couple other things and I knew it was time to go get the news I had known myself for several years confirmed.
The local guy looked over the tests and recommended a world class research neurologist at UVA , we will call Doctor Fred. I knew of him thru my brother who had been diagnosed 5 years earlier and my appointment with him was set. He agreed and provided a little more insight...
By now, my older brother had been diagnosed with PD+MSA which is a much more devastating and fast moving strain of PD. Dr. Fred told me that there was only about a 3% chance mine would turn out like that. That was a year and a half ago but I won't fully believe that until I hit about 5 years in and don't see signs of MSA. I will tell you, it is a terrible manifestation of an already nasty illness and it scares me to death.
Dr. Fred also taught me how to "feel" the stiffness in my left side and started me on a drug called mirapex. Check out the side effects of these little jewels sometime when you have time....
Anyway, my wife felt I was in denial because I came home and went to work the next day and it life as usual. I was relieved to know for sure what I had been guessing for years and saw no reason to get all excited. They say knowledge is power....They also say ignorance is bliss....I never can figure out who "They" are but "They" must be pretty smart folks because both are true just at different times.
In my case , what my wife took as being in denial was just my phase of ignorance is bliss. Even though I knew some about PD, I would soon find out and experience more than I cared to know. It is safe to say that I am ignorant no longer.............more to come.
Monday, January 28, 2008
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
Actually, in my last post, I let on how I met Mary. I just thought it was a catchy title. It's what happened after I met her that is the real story....
Mary and I hit it off pretty well. She was more , no, much more mature than many women twice her age, she is intelligent, well read and very smart. She can carry a conversation on almost any subject and we had a good time on our first few dates. She says she knew she wanted to marry me pretty quick. I took my time being skeptical and stubborn. The first time I met her Dad was by accident, I was dropping her off and he was stopping by. I knew he would have a hard time accepting the 22 yr age difference and he would barely speak to me. Looking back, had I been him I don't think I would have been able to keep from kicking my butt ! These days he says he loves me to death but I watch my back around the guy ( only kidding Mike !!! ) . Seriously, he is a great guy that I respect for how he has accepted me. After all, he is only three years older than me !
Anyway, my oldest brother had just been diagnosed with PD when Mary and I met and I told her I thought I had it too. She said she could handle that if I did have PD later on in life. At the time, neither of us knew as much about PD as we do now and obviously I had it then just had not been diagnosed.
We dated, she kept me at arms length with her then 4 year old son and looking back, that was wise. When we really got serious, we talked about more kids and for many reasons , determined that we would not have more children if we later got married. SOOOOO, I got snipped and put that little issue to rest.
This is where the age difference really comes into play along with a womans propensity to change her mind on any subject....
Fast forward, we eloped sort of to Vegas ( a whold nuther story) been married about a year when she pops up and says she wants us to have a baby!!!
Needless to say I was floored, after all , I had been "fixed" ...again, in the interest of time and in response to the difficulty I now have typing I will fast forward.....
After raising $6 grand in cash, with the aid of some very skilled surgeons at UVA , I got reconnected and pretty quick little Rielly-Anne Abigail was on her journey into our family.
She was born on 30 Nov. 2006 and boy is she beautiful, smart and loving.
However, just before she was born I finally visited with a Neurologist who told me I had PD and life changed quite a bit after that.
Next chat, I will try to tell you about how we knew it was time for me to see the Neurologist and what all this has been like....
Mary and I hit it off pretty well. She was more , no, much more mature than many women twice her age, she is intelligent, well read and very smart. She can carry a conversation on almost any subject and we had a good time on our first few dates. She says she knew she wanted to marry me pretty quick. I took my time being skeptical and stubborn. The first time I met her Dad was by accident, I was dropping her off and he was stopping by. I knew he would have a hard time accepting the 22 yr age difference and he would barely speak to me. Looking back, had I been him I don't think I would have been able to keep from kicking my butt ! These days he says he loves me to death but I watch my back around the guy ( only kidding Mike !!! ) . Seriously, he is a great guy that I respect for how he has accepted me. After all, he is only three years older than me !
Anyway, my oldest brother had just been diagnosed with PD when Mary and I met and I told her I thought I had it too. She said she could handle that if I did have PD later on in life. At the time, neither of us knew as much about PD as we do now and obviously I had it then just had not been diagnosed.
We dated, she kept me at arms length with her then 4 year old son and looking back, that was wise. When we really got serious, we talked about more kids and for many reasons , determined that we would not have more children if we later got married. SOOOOO, I got snipped and put that little issue to rest.
This is where the age difference really comes into play along with a womans propensity to change her mind on any subject....
Fast forward, we eloped sort of to Vegas ( a whold nuther story) been married about a year when she pops up and says she wants us to have a baby!!!
Needless to say I was floored, after all , I had been "fixed" ...again, in the interest of time and in response to the difficulty I now have typing I will fast forward.....
After raising $6 grand in cash, with the aid of some very skilled surgeons at UVA , I got reconnected and pretty quick little Rielly-Anne Abigail was on her journey into our family.
She was born on 30 Nov. 2006 and boy is she beautiful, smart and loving.
However, just before she was born I finally visited with a Neurologist who told me I had PD and life changed quite a bit after that.
Next chat, I will try to tell you about how we knew it was time for me to see the Neurologist and what all this has been like....
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Starting Over
After two ex wives, one son and a couple of long term relationships I realized I had been single for nearly 15 years and had learned to be pretty happy that way. I had a decent job making above average income. Over my career in sales and project management I had managed to visit most of the United States, Canada, Mexico, England, Germany, Switzerland, Venezuela many of them more than once. After my last long term relationship ended I decided that I wanted a part time job to occupy my free time...something unusual and totally different. Well, I ended up working in one of the biggest nightclubs on the east coast as a "bouncer". Yes, size does matter ! At six foot and 240 pounds with the right clothes and attitude I am able to intimidate small childred and most drunken adults.
To say this time was interesting and fun would be an understatement and I doubt you will ever see all the stories I can tell here on this blog.
At this time I had quite a rep for lovin and leavin em.....I was at a great age for meeting divorced women whose kids were grown like mine and were free to play.
And then this girl named Mary came to work as a waitress in the restaurant side of the club.
I didn't think anything about it, I gave her a few pieces of advice on how to work the system when she substituted in the coat room...we chatted a few times. Nothing unusual, she was younger but at the time I guess I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have...you'll understand as you read further.
One night, I subbed as a bartender during the night and she was the waitstaff....we hung around at the bar and never had the first customer on that Wednesday night. On a whim and trying to be "cool" I put on entirely too much cologne on a not so disguised trip to my car and in the end we went out for dinner after we closed the club at 10 PM.
She was 23 and I was 45 at that time.....Only later , much later did it dawn on me just how much of a gap that could be and what it would mean for the future of our family......
To say this time was interesting and fun would be an understatement and I doubt you will ever see all the stories I can tell here on this blog.
At this time I had quite a rep for lovin and leavin em.....I was at a great age for meeting divorced women whose kids were grown like mine and were free to play.
And then this girl named Mary came to work as a waitress in the restaurant side of the club.
I didn't think anything about it, I gave her a few pieces of advice on how to work the system when she substituted in the coat room...we chatted a few times. Nothing unusual, she was younger but at the time I guess I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have...you'll understand as you read further.
One night, I subbed as a bartender during the night and she was the waitstaff....we hung around at the bar and never had the first customer on that Wednesday night. On a whim and trying to be "cool" I put on entirely too much cologne on a not so disguised trip to my car and in the end we went out for dinner after we closed the club at 10 PM.
She was 23 and I was 45 at that time.....Only later , much later did it dawn on me just how much of a gap that could be and what it would mean for the future of our family......
Friday, January 25, 2008
CATCHING YOU UP
Now that all of the start up junk is handled, this is my opportunity to tell you a little bit about the past ....
If you couldn't tell from the picture at the top of my blog, I am and always have been a little bit of a gearhead. That IS me in the drivers seat and YES I still have this machine although at the moment shall we say I am between motors ? But I am sure I will write more on this subject later....
Not to go back so far, but I am the third in a string of four boys, born in 1955, lived in Virginia all my life. Married to my third wife and between us we have three children. I have a grown son, 24 years old and he is the very best....more on him later too. Then there is my stepson, 11 and he is a great kid as well. I am enjoying watching him grow up. And last, there is little Rielly-Anne who at just over a year old has brought me untold wonder and happiness so late in life by most peoples standards that I can't even tell you how happy I am to have made the choice to have another child !
It took me most of my life to find what I believe to be the happiest part of my life and part of my struggle now is feeling as if I can't fully enjoy it now. But still , I have so much to be happy about !
At times, my sweetie has blogged (nagged) that I am in denial about PD or not serious about fighting it but really, I just want to enjoy the time I have left (whatever that is ) and I have seen first hand that PD plays no favorites, gives no quarter and responds to very little, so it's not that I am lazy or unconcerned , but I want to really enjoy myself from here on out. But I digress.....
My grown son's mother and I have remained friendly over the years, married for ten years, divorced for around 15 now, she is a good friend to me and oddly enough to my wife. She is like an aunt to our new little girl and I wouldn't change this for the world.
Now that you know most of the characters , we can get on with the show....
If you couldn't tell from the picture at the top of my blog, I am and always have been a little bit of a gearhead. That IS me in the drivers seat and YES I still have this machine although at the moment shall we say I am between motors ? But I am sure I will write more on this subject later....
Not to go back so far, but I am the third in a string of four boys, born in 1955, lived in Virginia all my life. Married to my third wife and between us we have three children. I have a grown son, 24 years old and he is the very best....more on him later too. Then there is my stepson, 11 and he is a great kid as well. I am enjoying watching him grow up. And last, there is little Rielly-Anne who at just over a year old has brought me untold wonder and happiness so late in life by most peoples standards that I can't even tell you how happy I am to have made the choice to have another child !
It took me most of my life to find what I believe to be the happiest part of my life and part of my struggle now is feeling as if I can't fully enjoy it now. But still , I have so much to be happy about !
At times, my sweetie has blogged (nagged) that I am in denial about PD or not serious about fighting it but really, I just want to enjoy the time I have left (whatever that is ) and I have seen first hand that PD plays no favorites, gives no quarter and responds to very little, so it's not that I am lazy or unconcerned , but I want to really enjoy myself from here on out. But I digress.....
My grown son's mother and I have remained friendly over the years, married for ten years, divorced for around 15 now, she is a good friend to me and oddly enough to my wife. She is like an aunt to our new little girl and I wouldn't change this for the world.
Now that you know most of the characters , we can get on with the show....
AN INTRODUCTION
WOW !
My very own blog....a place to tell my story, my way and respond to my wife's blog dealing with our journey into life with Parkinsons.
First a few housekeeping items...Thanks are in order to my sweetie for having the patience to help me set this thing up ! Also, for always supporting and encouraging me ( read that "nag the hell out of me" ) in dealing with this disease.
Second - I promise to be honest and open about everything I write here and I will hope not to bore you although unlike my wife, who jumped into the middle of our story, I want to start writing about life before PD first. Like I said, my story, my way...
And lastly, I want to have fun with this and along the way entertain some of you with the give and take of sometimes responding to what my wife's blog contains and I hope to make a few new friends in the process.
There now, my first post is done. On to the story......
My very own blog....a place to tell my story, my way and respond to my wife's blog dealing with our journey into life with Parkinsons.
First a few housekeeping items...Thanks are in order to my sweetie for having the patience to help me set this thing up ! Also, for always supporting and encouraging me ( read that "nag the hell out of me" ) in dealing with this disease.
Second - I promise to be honest and open about everything I write here and I will hope not to bore you although unlike my wife, who jumped into the middle of our story, I want to start writing about life before PD first. Like I said, my story, my way...
And lastly, I want to have fun with this and along the way entertain some of you with the give and take of sometimes responding to what my wife's blog contains and I hope to make a few new friends in the process.
There now, my first post is done. On to the story......
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