I know you didn't .......slam me intentionally that is !
My wife has her own blog " Life with Shaky" which is her on line journal about our life and dealing with my PD. She has an ongoing series it seems - Confessions of a PD wife.
I often learn things I may never have known reading her stuff and sometimes I feel compelled to defend myself a little. You must understand though that she has vowed to not hold back and be honest and she admits that sometimes she blogs about how she is feeling at that very moment and it may come across as harsh to some readers. This point was driven home recently by a friend of mine who reads both blogs. He commented to me that I better get shakin so to speak ( cute play on words huh ?) so first, I defend her. Everything she writes is out of love and concern for me even if she has to slam me. As well, she has a lot to deal with both now and going forward and as I said, even I learn interesting things reading her blog.
So how do I respond to her Confessions of a PD wife ? Either my jaw drops or I laugh out loud...
For instance:
Honey,
I will teach you how to mow the grass on the riding mower, don't let that keep you up nights.
You won't need to take care of vehicles, you have a motor head step son who will have your back.
I did finally find the right weight machine and I am using it , some.....:-)
I have made some changes with my free time vs. hobbies vs. your honey do list .....don't I listen well ? LOL
The one serious thing .....my memory is fine !!! You must understand- guys don't remember everything like women. We are far too lazy. If it's important in our minds we remember. If not we let it go.
Big difference in our writing style. But in the end it works for us.
Meet me in the shop honey , I'll show you how to mow if you will remember some stuff for me....sounds like a good trade to me.
Anyone else out there care to comment on the difference in male memory and female memory ?
C'mon be brave - step up and help me out.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I QUIT !
I finally give up. Game over as my son Bryan says....After building, racing and enjoying my hot rod for years I am ready to admit I can't do what I used to.
In my earlier post you may remember I recently put a new motor in the truck and have been working the bugs out....the bugs won.
No time, no patience, stress I don't need. So tonight I waved the white flag. I am sure I will work on it again and soon, but I have one of the best friends ever and he has been so good to me over the years.....a fellow drag racer.
This guy gives me more grief than both my ex -wives, my lovely wife and every old girlfriend I can think of...24/7 nagging, teasing, belittling, in general a perfect ass towards me. That is, unless it's quiet and no one else is around. In which case he shares his private thoughts on life and happens to have a heart the size of Texas. I can't tell you how many times I have seen people take advantage of his kindness and talents when it comes to cars or anything else for that matter.
My wife knows his ring tone on my cell phone ( which I purposely made the most obnoxious one I could find :-) and when it goes off she either groans and rolls her eyes or starts singing " Secret Lover" !
Anyway to cut to the chase , he is a one in a million kind of guy who most people never get to know in any depth. Fortunately, for me, we have a friendship I think we both value a lot. Either of us would do anything the other asked if we possibly could. After irritating the other as much as possible of course...
He has seen my brother with PD and he has more of an understanding of where I am going than nearly anyone else except my wife and my family. And he still makes fun of me for shaking which I know is all in fun. The other day a mutual friend of ours made some crack about me moving at a snails pace....in a large group of guys hanging around the race shop. My close buddy shot me a glance and later told me it really ticked him off because our mutual friend has not even figured out there is a reason for my stooped shuffle / shake. Secretly defensive and protective of me...kind of nice.
So I will work on the hot rod again. But my buddy has already agreed to finish the de-bugging , tuning etc. I will make him take some form of payment because I refuse to take advantage of his friendship. But it is nice to know that someone other than family has my back ya know ? How many people do you meet in your lifetime that you know will be there for you ?
One of the funniest things we have laughed about happened right after I was diagnosed with PD. We were talking about me one day having to use a hoveround, one of those electric scooters....and he said if it ever came to that he would fix one up that would be so fast it would need wheelie bars. And he would do it too.
So tonight I will sleep a little better knowing that sooner or later, together, we will find all the bugs and fix them. What a guy....
By the way, if you ever read this .....you still owe me two dinners. See ya at the races !
In my earlier post you may remember I recently put a new motor in the truck and have been working the bugs out....the bugs won.
No time, no patience, stress I don't need. So tonight I waved the white flag. I am sure I will work on it again and soon, but I have one of the best friends ever and he has been so good to me over the years.....a fellow drag racer.
This guy gives me more grief than both my ex -wives, my lovely wife and every old girlfriend I can think of...24/7 nagging, teasing, belittling, in general a perfect ass towards me. That is, unless it's quiet and no one else is around. In which case he shares his private thoughts on life and happens to have a heart the size of Texas. I can't tell you how many times I have seen people take advantage of his kindness and talents when it comes to cars or anything else for that matter.
My wife knows his ring tone on my cell phone ( which I purposely made the most obnoxious one I could find :-) and when it goes off she either groans and rolls her eyes or starts singing " Secret Lover" !
Anyway to cut to the chase , he is a one in a million kind of guy who most people never get to know in any depth. Fortunately, for me, we have a friendship I think we both value a lot. Either of us would do anything the other asked if we possibly could. After irritating the other as much as possible of course...
He has seen my brother with PD and he has more of an understanding of where I am going than nearly anyone else except my wife and my family. And he still makes fun of me for shaking which I know is all in fun. The other day a mutual friend of ours made some crack about me moving at a snails pace....in a large group of guys hanging around the race shop. My close buddy shot me a glance and later told me it really ticked him off because our mutual friend has not even figured out there is a reason for my stooped shuffle / shake. Secretly defensive and protective of me...kind of nice.
So I will work on the hot rod again. But my buddy has already agreed to finish the de-bugging , tuning etc. I will make him take some form of payment because I refuse to take advantage of his friendship. But it is nice to know that someone other than family has my back ya know ? How many people do you meet in your lifetime that you know will be there for you ?
One of the funniest things we have laughed about happened right after I was diagnosed with PD. We were talking about me one day having to use a hoveround, one of those electric scooters....and he said if it ever came to that he would fix one up that would be so fast it would need wheelie bars. And he would do it too.
So tonight I will sleep a little better knowing that sooner or later, together, we will find all the bugs and fix them. What a guy....
By the way, if you ever read this .....you still owe me two dinners. See ya at the races !
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
CALM, COOL AND COLLECTED......ALMOST
As you can probably guess, I am a car nut. Have been all my life. In specific, I love drag racing and high horsepower Chevrolet engines. Yes, that is me driving the bright yellow drag truck a few years ago. I still own it. As a matter of fact I have just finished putting a new engine in it. Still working out a few bugs....
This past weekend I took it for a short test drive in the neighborhood and when I returned , my tremor was off the charts and I commented to my son that driving it made me so nervous anymore that I should probably sell it.
It's not the first time he and I had this discussion but this time he took time to question me more closely.How can something I love doing and have been comfortable doing my whole life make you nervous he wondered ? Good question....
I made the same comment about selling the hot rod to my best friend, Jr. , who is also afflicted with the drag race bug and he told me it was all in my head, get over it he said....
Well, all this talk made me wonder ....how can I accurately explain to people what I am feeling ?
It was obvious to me that two important people in my life DID NOT understand...So, what to do....Ask my wife of course. If you read her blog you already know she is a great writer, communicator and very smart. I was not disappointed.
She immediately pointed out that anything that gets my adrenaline pumping makes my tremors much worse. When my tremor is worse, I get stressed even more and around and around we go until the adrenaline slows down in about fifteen minutes. I knew this was true because it doesn't have to be something unpleasant in order for my adrenaline to pump and the tremors to kick in full force. Use your imagination to think of something pleasant that may get my adrenaline pumping...:-)
After having my sweetie explain the obvious to me I realized that my son and my friend did me a huge favor in forcing me to examine the real issue. I am not using the right description in telling people how the tremors feel. I am not nervous driving my hot rod, only pumped up. The same rush I used to get driving and racing fast cars now produces an ugly side effect....tremors. But it isn't because I am nervous. The tremors may make me appear nervous and I certainly get irritated with the tremors but it isn't nerves.
I drove it again today and felt better. It's loud, it shakes the earth, small children are scared of it and guys all up and down the road give me a thumbs up when they see me out in it. Teen age boys take pictures of it on their cell phone cameras and it generally draws a crowd in a parking lot. If you would like to see more of my hot rod, you can go to www.bhsbees.com/keith.
I know sometime in the near future I won't be able to drive it and that will be a sad day. But until then, keep an eye out for the cops would you ?
This past weekend I took it for a short test drive in the neighborhood and when I returned , my tremor was off the charts and I commented to my son that driving it made me so nervous anymore that I should probably sell it.
It's not the first time he and I had this discussion but this time he took time to question me more closely.How can something I love doing and have been comfortable doing my whole life make you nervous he wondered ? Good question....
I made the same comment about selling the hot rod to my best friend, Jr. , who is also afflicted with the drag race bug and he told me it was all in my head, get over it he said....
Well, all this talk made me wonder ....how can I accurately explain to people what I am feeling ?
It was obvious to me that two important people in my life DID NOT understand...So, what to do....Ask my wife of course. If you read her blog you already know she is a great writer, communicator and very smart. I was not disappointed.
She immediately pointed out that anything that gets my adrenaline pumping makes my tremors much worse. When my tremor is worse, I get stressed even more and around and around we go until the adrenaline slows down in about fifteen minutes. I knew this was true because it doesn't have to be something unpleasant in order for my adrenaline to pump and the tremors to kick in full force. Use your imagination to think of something pleasant that may get my adrenaline pumping...:-)
After having my sweetie explain the obvious to me I realized that my son and my friend did me a huge favor in forcing me to examine the real issue. I am not using the right description in telling people how the tremors feel. I am not nervous driving my hot rod, only pumped up. The same rush I used to get driving and racing fast cars now produces an ugly side effect....tremors. But it isn't because I am nervous. The tremors may make me appear nervous and I certainly get irritated with the tremors but it isn't nerves.
I drove it again today and felt better. It's loud, it shakes the earth, small children are scared of it and guys all up and down the road give me a thumbs up when they see me out in it. Teen age boys take pictures of it on their cell phone cameras and it generally draws a crowd in a parking lot. If you would like to see more of my hot rod, you can go to www.bhsbees.com/keith.
I know sometime in the near future I won't be able to drive it and that will be a sad day. But until then, keep an eye out for the cops would you ?
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I Can't Believe I'm This Poor !
It's all about where you've been .......
This is a two part post. In order to really get the full effect you must also read my wife's blog titled Life with Shaky and her latest post, I can't believe I'm this Rich !
The story begins the other night when my wife and I were discussing money, bills and the current economic downturn in this country. I complained that we were just barely scraping by these days. We have had numerous conversations over the last year about how high gas prices are going, how it affects the price of almost everything else and how difficult it seems to make ends meet anymore.
Actually, we have taken some drastic steps over the past year or so to try and become debt free with the exception of mortgage and normal household expenses and we are close to achieving that goal.
BUT, you have to understand that I am a worrier. In fact if I got paid by the hour for worrying, all our bills would be paid and we would have a big savings account !
Anyway, as I lamented the cost of living and our barely scraping by in my eyes, she was laughing ! At about the same time we both said what a great idea for a blog post....opposite viewpoints on one of the big issues every couple must learn to solve !
You can read about her perspective as I noted above.
My frustration is more based on the current economy and gas prices. I make decenet money. And as she says in her post we actually ARE NOT just scraping by. But ten years ago, the kind of money I make would have been enough to go, do, buy , whatever I wanted.
I hate the fact that I have to plan, manage and execute carefully when it comes to money. I do that enough at work ya know ?
I hate the fact that traveling abroad is now dangerous and outrageously expensive.
I hate that I can't spend $100 on whatever I decide I want without making sure it won't run me short on a bill.
The UP side of this post ?
I talk to people every day who have NOT managed their money well. I have friends who make bad decisions in spending or who made bad decisions in the past and are most certainly going to suffer the consequences in the near future.
The reality is this ....we don't just scrape by really. My beautiful wife is a lot of things. Talented writer, wonderful mother and wife, fun, witty, strong, very smart and best of all, she keeps me in check when I worry too much.
We own a nice home on the lake, no big thing, needs some things here and there.
We have four cars all paid for with a million miles on three of them. The fourth one is at the top of my blog and I guess I don't know anyone that is scraping by and owns and drives a 7 second hot rod.
We have cell phones, cable TV, internet, food to eat and clothes to wear.
I guess it's true, perspective is everything. Our two perspectives, while on opposite ends of the spectrum, always seem to keep us on balance.
So, even when I lament about just barely scraping and feeling poor , I am actually rich beyond compare...............because there's you in my life.
This is a two part post. In order to really get the full effect you must also read my wife's blog titled Life with Shaky and her latest post, I can't believe I'm this Rich !
The story begins the other night when my wife and I were discussing money, bills and the current economic downturn in this country. I complained that we were just barely scraping by these days. We have had numerous conversations over the last year about how high gas prices are going, how it affects the price of almost everything else and how difficult it seems to make ends meet anymore.
Actually, we have taken some drastic steps over the past year or so to try and become debt free with the exception of mortgage and normal household expenses and we are close to achieving that goal.
BUT, you have to understand that I am a worrier. In fact if I got paid by the hour for worrying, all our bills would be paid and we would have a big savings account !
Anyway, as I lamented the cost of living and our barely scraping by in my eyes, she was laughing ! At about the same time we both said what a great idea for a blog post....opposite viewpoints on one of the big issues every couple must learn to solve !
You can read about her perspective as I noted above.
My frustration is more based on the current economy and gas prices. I make decenet money. And as she says in her post we actually ARE NOT just scraping by. But ten years ago, the kind of money I make would have been enough to go, do, buy , whatever I wanted.
I hate the fact that I have to plan, manage and execute carefully when it comes to money. I do that enough at work ya know ?
I hate the fact that traveling abroad is now dangerous and outrageously expensive.
I hate that I can't spend $100 on whatever I decide I want without making sure it won't run me short on a bill.
The UP side of this post ?
I talk to people every day who have NOT managed their money well. I have friends who make bad decisions in spending or who made bad decisions in the past and are most certainly going to suffer the consequences in the near future.
The reality is this ....we don't just scrape by really. My beautiful wife is a lot of things. Talented writer, wonderful mother and wife, fun, witty, strong, very smart and best of all, she keeps me in check when I worry too much.
We own a nice home on the lake, no big thing, needs some things here and there.
We have four cars all paid for with a million miles on three of them. The fourth one is at the top of my blog and I guess I don't know anyone that is scraping by and owns and drives a 7 second hot rod.
We have cell phones, cable TV, internet, food to eat and clothes to wear.
I guess it's true, perspective is everything. Our two perspectives, while on opposite ends of the spectrum, always seem to keep us on balance.
So, even when I lament about just barely scraping and feeling poor , I am actually rich beyond compare...............because there's you in my life.
Friday, April 4, 2008
How long ?
I recently got a comment from another blogger with PD that was very kind and sincere. She said my post "Who is the victim in all this anyway" had struck a nerve and like everyone I like positive attention. It's nice to know someone got something out of what I wrote.
Tonight however instead of medical issues or stories about my past or even present , I want to vent my frustration so bear with me....
How long ?
I suppose everyone wants to know if they are honest. Even children in their limited knowledge of the world around them still ask, How long before we get there ? How long before dinner is ready? How long before bedtime? We all grow up wondering how long ?
As we become young adults, our questions change.
How long before I meet someone and marry....have kids....buy a house....get that promotion...
As we become middle aged....how long before the house is paid for .... before I can retire.....before I become a grand parent ...
If we are blessed as my Dad has been ( He's 92) we might ask how long before I die ?
That's natural.
Unfortunately, some never see the end coming or it comes too soon. For anyone diagnosed with a medical condition such as PD ( but not just PD, any chronic, degenerative disease ) the questions about " How Long" multiply like bunny rabbits.
I know, it's probably better not to ask or be able to find out, but like a child riding in a car we can no more help wondering than we can help taking our next breath.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to know about dying. I know all I need to know about that. I will die. When , where and how is not up to me and just knowing that I will die and accepting that fact enables me to live each day in a better way.
No, what I am wanting is more complex....How long before PD will force me to retire....stop picking up my beautiful baby girl...
How long before I get a good idea of how fast it is progressing ? How long before I can't type ....drive....drive a hot rod .....
How long ?
It's apparently the question we are born to ask all our lives and can never fully get answered.
Personally, it's particularly frustrating to me because of my personality. From what I know, have read and see in other PD patients it may be another five to ten years before see more , really serious issues...I sure would like to know.
But you know what ? I guess it isn't going to be tonight, tomorrow or next week and likely not next month or even next year....so the best thing I can do is live while I can right ?
Glad you guys helped me work that out, Thanks !
Until next time,
Shaky
Tonight however instead of medical issues or stories about my past or even present , I want to vent my frustration so bear with me....
How long ?
I suppose everyone wants to know if they are honest. Even children in their limited knowledge of the world around them still ask, How long before we get there ? How long before dinner is ready? How long before bedtime? We all grow up wondering how long ?
As we become young adults, our questions change.
How long before I meet someone and marry....have kids....buy a house....get that promotion...
As we become middle aged....how long before the house is paid for .... before I can retire.....before I become a grand parent ...
If we are blessed as my Dad has been ( He's 92) we might ask how long before I die ?
That's natural.
Unfortunately, some never see the end coming or it comes too soon. For anyone diagnosed with a medical condition such as PD ( but not just PD, any chronic, degenerative disease ) the questions about " How Long" multiply like bunny rabbits.
I know, it's probably better not to ask or be able to find out, but like a child riding in a car we can no more help wondering than we can help taking our next breath.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to know about dying. I know all I need to know about that. I will die. When , where and how is not up to me and just knowing that I will die and accepting that fact enables me to live each day in a better way.
No, what I am wanting is more complex....How long before PD will force me to retire....stop picking up my beautiful baby girl...
How long before I get a good idea of how fast it is progressing ? How long before I can't type ....drive....drive a hot rod .....
How long ?
It's apparently the question we are born to ask all our lives and can never fully get answered.
Personally, it's particularly frustrating to me because of my personality. From what I know, have read and see in other PD patients it may be another five to ten years before see more , really serious issues...I sure would like to know.
But you know what ? I guess it isn't going to be tonight, tomorrow or next week and likely not next month or even next year....so the best thing I can do is live while I can right ?
Glad you guys helped me work that out, Thanks !
Until next time,
Shaky
LINKED UP !
My wife ( bless her heart ) sometimes has more time than me to surf the net, look for information or other blogs dealing with PD. I appreciate the time she spends on me more than I probably show...
Today she was very excited about a blog by Patient on line ( Dan ) who has Parkinson's Plus and when I checked out his site tonight I can see why she was so excited. Dan is educated, articulate and his site is full of very good information on PD and all it's many forms. I will get her to link his blog to mine tomorrow. He is already linked on my wife's blog Life with Shaky.
If you want to be well informed either as a caregiver, family or friend I encourage you all to visit this guy ! Nice job Dan !
I can never find enough time to write but I have a new topic in mind so stay tuned....
Today she was very excited about a blog by Patient on line ( Dan ) who has Parkinson's Plus and when I checked out his site tonight I can see why she was so excited. Dan is educated, articulate and his site is full of very good information on PD and all it's many forms. I will get her to link his blog to mine tomorrow. He is already linked on my wife's blog Life with Shaky.
If you want to be well informed either as a caregiver, family or friend I encourage you all to visit this guy ! Nice job Dan !
I can never find enough time to write but I have a new topic in mind so stay tuned....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
