Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Process of living with PD

Life is a process. In fact a good friend and preacher friend of mine said life is the process of dying....absolutely true. Someone else said " nobody gets out ( of this life) alive. True again.

But it's the process you see that usually gives us a challenge. And anyone who has an illness, especially one like PD that affects the mind will soon enough find that there is a process within the process. As the disease moves relentlessly forward I am finding more and more that PD has changed me in so many ways. And not always for the good. My wife and caregiver also sees where PD has changed her.

Those of us with the disease may find that we have a lot of trouble communicating and phrasing our thoughts so that others can follow our train of thought. We don't always make the best decisions sometimes either. This can lead to tension and confusion between a couple dealing with the disease and resentment and other negative feelings. In our case, when those kinds of issues began to develop, I was slow to recognize them and refused to see how PD was affecting my thought process and decision making and communication skills. After all, in my business career I excelled at communication and decision making and my thought processes have always been organized and effective. Now, even though I run a 1.5 million dollar retail operation rather well, that skill doesn't always carry over at home. Some of this may be that I am so filled to capacity in my job that there is no room for much else or I am so exhausted by the effort it takes to do the job while struggling with PD that there is no energy left. Even though both are true, there has also come the realization (by me) that I am NOT always clear in my communication with my family. I DON'T always make the right decision. Then when my family provides feedback, sometimes it makes me feel inadequate and incompetent which causes doubt and at times, apathy . After all, if I am no good at life any more, why try ? After a couple years of the cycle, it begins to take a toll.

When the realization hits that my mind is not hitting on all eight cylinders on top of not liking the physical "me" I see in the mirror each day, now I don't like who I have become. My wife feels exactly the same. She doesn't like that she has lost the me she fell in love with and she doesn't like who she has become in reaction to who I have become. Sounds like disaster in the making and field day for the divorce attorneys !

However, that is not an option for either of us. So what is the answer to this very tough situation ? For us , it will be finding a good counselor ( to be recommended by my Neuro) who specializes in treating couples with these kinds of issues. Along with lots and lots of open and honest communication. It will hurt sometimes, but the hurt will quickly turn to hope as it always does when two people who are committed and love each other find the common ground and conquer the obstacles thrown in their path by PD, life and this process we call life

Apathy, depression, fatigue, this puzzle called PD. We must put one foot in front of the other day after day and remember that life is a wonderful gift that is meant to be lived and enjoyed.

Shaaky

1 comment:

Maureen said...

Dr. Jane Semple, MA, ND is a Naturopathic Doctor practicing out of Cleveland, OH. A few years ago, she cured herself of Parkinson Disease symptoms using safe, all natural methods. Dr. Semple founded the Alternative Healing Institute to bring training for alternative therapies to individuals and medical professionals. She develops and teaches continuing education courses for those in the medical field. Dr. Semple is an active member of the American Naturopathic Medical Association, the Association of Nutritional Consultants, American Botanical Council and Coalition for Natural Health. She has authored several Woodland titles, including Alzheimer Disease, Blood Pressure, Cholesterol & Inflammation, Fertility, HPV and Cervical Dysplasia,Parkinson Disease and Influenza: Epidemics, Pandemics and Bird Flu. Her book Parkinson's Disease: A Naturopathic Approach can be purchased at www.amazon.com and www.woodlandpublishing.com. Her website is www.mynsp.com/drjanesemple/index.aspx. She also has a You Tube video explaining about Parkinson's Disease. It can be viewed at www.youtube.com/watch?v=eechjGu9Hec.