By the time you get to be my age (almost 55 and so ready to eat from the seniors menu) one often thinks they have seen it all. Wise folks know however, that you can learn something new every day. Not saying I am wise but I do keep an open mind....
As we go through life there are ups and downs, bumps in the road, really good times and sometimes really bad times. As human beings we try to maintain our balance and not get all crossed up along the way. Some struggle with disease, disaster, tragedy while others may seem to lead a charmed life with little to weigh them down along the way. Eventually, we all struggle with something though. Eventually, "there will come a day" ...some of you may recognize that phrase. You know who you are. The very Reverend Pethel drove that point home many times on Friday. He was preaching at my nephew Chris' funeral and as only a fundamental Baptist preacher can, he was calling all who would listen to accept Jesus. But that isn't exactly what I am about here, he did a fine job and I enjoyed listening to him very much. I couldn't begin to be as good a speaker.
Instead, I want to share what I think is perhaps Chris' greatest accomplishment because it is very close to some of the things that I have nagged anyone who would listen about for the last three years. You can go back in previous posts on this blog if you want to catch up or you can click the X at the top if you just don't care to be nagged , LOL .
For those of you who follow my blog but are not family, Chris was my nephew and he was killed in a tragic car accident on Easter Monday. He left a wife and three young children behind and from the looks of it , an entire community of people who thought the world of him.
When I returned home from NC after the funeral my wife put in one of her favorite movies. Some of you may know it...."As good as it gets" starring Jack Nicholson, Greg Kinnear, Helen Hunt , etc. It is the story of an obsessive compulsive guy struggling thru life and at one point in the movie as he is walking thru his analysts office waiting room which is full of people, he asks them....What if this is as good as it gets ? Rather pessimistic , but a very interesting question when you think about it.
Chris got it right. His life was truly as good as it gets. Why ? What was his secret ? As I spent Thursday and Friday with his family, friends and community I saw a man who had come to realize at least two things that some people never learn and others like me take a lifetime to learn and put into practice.
The first thing is that Chris knew that life is only as good as YOU make it. He was a glass half full kind of person. He would never have asked, is this as good as it gets ? He would be making it good, then better and better. Rick Pethel told me a story about Chris and his driving habits while I was at the family night. He said when Chris would be driving his head would be constantly moving, scanning, he didn't want to miss anything , anytime, anywhere. That was kind of ironic because I am like that too. And you know what ? Chris didn't miss much. He was PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR in his kids lives, his wonderful wife Amber's life, her family's life, his community.....he lived every day as fully involved as he could. He made time for everything and everybody. He worked hard at any job he undertook but he worked hardest at living every minute of every day and having as much fun as he could have in every single thing he did. He made everyone laugh and smile. He was willing to look silly in order to get that smile. He made life as good as it gets......so good in fact that most people , even without knowing him, could just look at the pictures and stories at the funeral home and you just knew this guy had the secret of happiness locked down.
So how did he accomplish this feat of happiness ? I guess this is where I get on my soapbox and nag some more.....My favorite book, Tuesday's with Morrie, written by Mitch Albom.
In order to live life to your fullest, happiest capacity you must first be able to accept death. You must accept that death is a part of life and understand that you never know when it will be your turn. Once you can do that, you are then free to live a happier , fuller life. To put it another way and to reiterate....There will come a day. See? I told you that preacher was smart...
That day may not be the day you die, it may be the day you get a diagnosis like Parkinsons, or Mantle Cell Lymphoma, or any other bad news that just knocks you over. There are lots of bad days where the writing is on the wall.....the wake up call , the knock on the door to your brain and you should get the message. Whatever your struggle is, you can't go back to tomorrow and I don't think Chris EVER looked backward, only forward to the next exciting minute of his life. He was looking forward, all the while packing his bags.
He packed and packed and packed some more. None of us know how long the journey will be but Chris knew to keep packing as long as he could ....and you know what he was packing ?
He was packing life, love, memories, good times, silly times, fun times, smiles, hugs, kisses, blessings. He lived every day all he could so that when that day came, he would be ready. His bags would be packed as full as he could get them. In fact, the angels likely had to charge extra for all those bags because you can't take but two plus one carry on without paying extra and it was obvious that Chris had been packing for many years. ( Hope he grins when he reads this ).
Ultimately, Rev. Pethel and I are after the same thing. You have to accept death as a part of life before you can live. Chris had it right, I got it right. So what did I learn different from Chris ?
I got the first two things covered. It's that third thing that Chris did so well that hit home to me this week.
Pack your bags. Pack them full, then get another bag and pack that one full too. Work harder at making the time for "packing" i.e spending time with my kids , my wife, my family. Pack like you were leaving and never coming back. Because there will come a day........when you won't come back. And your bags better be packed and sitting by the door.
A first hand account of life with Parkinsons from a well traveled 50 something male, who chose to start a new family late in life only to find that "Life is what happens while we are busy making other plans."
4 comments:
Good analysis, Keith. We did some packing of bags early in the week, with Jen and family at the beach. But it was different because our hearts were heavy the whole time. Ever since my diagnosis, in our family, we've all remembered to say "I Love You" much more often, since you never know when it will be the last time you see a loved one. And also now put the trivial, everyday life chores and choices in better perspective, knowing that most of those won't make a difference 10, 20, 30 years from now. Chris did have it right-relationships, love, charity. In our church, one thing that is taught is JOY- Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. I think Chris followed that. Like Bill, Chris did things for, and made memories with others, and loved every minute of his life. I wish our family could have known him more, and learned more from him, but living 3 hours away made it difficult. It was obvious that everyone he came in touch with loved him and was impressed by him. Thanks for sharing. During the funeral, "As Good As It Gets" also came to my mind, one of my favorites too. I even mentioned it to Susan as we were driving to the graveside service. What if this is as good as it gets? Make the most of it. That's the right thing to do, and I am trying. Life in this mode is a learning curve. I'm reading Lance Armstrong's book now, "Its Not About The Bike". So far, it is very good.
Larry
Also, thanks for sharing "Mondays with Morrie" early after my diagnosis with MCL. It was a good one too.
Keith, Thank you for this very thoughtful and instructive essay. I really appreciated the value of the message and the importance of seeing all of life in perspective. So sorry about your loss of Chris.
Keep writing my friend.
Keith, this commentary was so inspiring and so well put. You may not as you say be a preacher albiet you are as good as alot I've heard, however you might more than qualify as a counselor or philosopher. Reading this gives cause to much self reflection, much self analysis and even perhaps mapping a new direction for life, or at least re-establishing the "right" one you always intended to be on but unwittingly and without realizing it had gotten alitte away from. At least this is true for me. Although I think I do pretty fair at keeping myself packed and ready, sometimes I tend to empty my bags. I am pretty good at not letting the hard stuff shackle me down and throwing it all at the feet of Jesus instead but sometimes I tend not to do that and wrap the shackles around myself even tighter. Bottom line is that I need to constantly be reminded, to constanty be inspired, to constantly be shown how to get it "right" by people like your wonderful nephew. And for that, and for people like Chris I am thankful. Even while not knowing him, he is still an inspiration to me and for me. And I thank you Keith for revealing him and his life and the way he lived to me and all of us who never knew him. Again Keith I'm sorry for your loss and the loss to your family. And humanity suffered a loss as well by his death. But our loss is Heaven's gain Amen. Let us live as he did and be reunited with him on that day which will eventually come for all of us. Good piece Keith. Thanks. Mike
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