SLIP SLIDING AWAY

Words and Music by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel - Story by Keith

Younger readers won't really get this. They won't know the song or the artist and they won't be able to relate to the aging process or the effects of PD...

I have always liked their music. This song title is exactly how it feels to have PD or have a loved one with PD. The disease moves slowly in most people including me fortunately. Barely perceptible changes that many people miss unless they go for long periods of time without seeing you, then it's more noticeable. Strangers are more likely to notice than others or maybe they are just more open about asking what is wrong ....

The physical changes and challenges are more easily recognized. No point in rehashing those since most of you who read this are all to familiar with them ....

For some time now Mary has been telling me that she has noticed other changes. Things like memory issues or a lack of concentration, attention span , etc. I would just raise my eyebrows in skepticism and tell her how wrong she was, everything is fine, situation normal. I refused to see that there is a mental aspect to this disease let alone admit that I had been affected by it.

Today that all changed. A simple trip to the grocery store forced me to see and begin the process of accepting how PD might be affecting my mind as well as my body. Don't get all bent on me, I am not going soft or silly. But I have to admit that I am struggling with focus and concentration issues which translates into memory issues.

The purpose of my trip to the store was mainly to pick up a birthday card for my son who turns 27 today. I also needed a pack of smokes, a side dish to take to the cookout later today and some canned sodas. As I wandered the store ( a new Kroger, can''t find shit in there yet ) I could not keep it in my head about wanting pasta salad for a side dish , it just wouldn't stay planted. I finally just grabbed some baked beans. Of course I had to have some donuts, some shrimp jambalya and some cookies, but the damn pasta salad wandered in and out of my mind ten times in 20 minutes.

Right after checking out I remembered that I should have gotten a pack of smokes but I decided to stop and get gas and get them there. After loading my bags in the car it hit me that I completely forgot the birthday card. You might ask ...why is this such a big deal ? You would have to be in my head to understand....

I have been living in my head for nearly 55 years now and today I finally recognized what Mary had been seeing for a while. A pattern. I didn't just forget. There is an ADD ( attention deficit disorder) type quality of "fog" that I now operate in ...my mind is slowing down much like my body. And now that I know it, it's both sad and also very scary.

How long ? That is the question everyone with any disease wants answered. How long before "X" happens, whatever your "X" is...
Will I have dementia as many with PD do ? Will I become hateful and ugly with the people I love ? Will I even know them ?

As if the physical part of this disease weren't enough, now I have admit that there is a whole other "thing" to worry about. I always felt that my mind was as sharp as ever and for the most part, it is. But, like everything else....it too is slip sliding away. As the song goes..." the nearer your destination the more you slip sliding away" - Well, thankfully I am quite aways from my destination. It's still a long way away. But I am pretty pissed that I am on the way so to speak...

The last verse of the song is a pretty good summary:

Whoah only God knows, God makes his plan
The information's unavailable to the mortal man
We're workin our jobs, collect our pay
Believe we're glidin down the hiway, when in fact we're slip sliding away

Don't wait up on me, I won't be "home" for a while yet...........