Life as we know it....is over. For lots of reasons. Don't get me wrong, life isn't over , in some ways it's just getting started ..again :-)
But the life I thought I might have is certainly in an "altered state" so to speak. Hence, the quote at the top of my blog , Life is what happens when we make other plans.
This week it seems really clear to me that I am changing quite a bit in many subtle ways. PD can be such a cunning little disease that the changes are sometimes not so noticeable to the person with the disease. Or, maybe we are so preoccupied with it that we neglect to think of how some things may affect those we love.
My Mary and I were discussing two areas recently that she has had issues with and you can read about her struggles on her blog. The two areas are:
Lack of emotion or Apathy and voice changes. I know I usually tell little stories on my blog but this is kind of important....it potentially affects every relationship in my entire life.
My doctor forewarned us about facial masking and apathy but it kind of crept in without me noticing. The one person closest to me is so good about recognizing these things , I am thankful for her insights even when it pains me to admit I missed something along the way. Now that she has pointed out how it affects her I can look back and see how it may be affecting other things and other people.
For instance, I have had several customers who know me well tell me I don't look good or ask me what's wrong with me. My emotionless face and speech is showing itself in every part of my life. What this points out to me is that in order to take care of those closest to me I need to be sure I use words to express my feelings and if I can, try to force some form of emotion out of my dead pan face.
It also gives me some type of explanation for those times when someone I don't know well asks if I am all right.
I can't help but wonder how this may eventually affect my career. After all, most people know nearly squat about PD except that it makes you shake. People in general don't know anything at all about facial masking, apathy, speech changes, vision changes, rigid or slow movements etc.
To be honest , it has upset me a little. I feel bad that I missed the signs on how it was progressing. I feel worse still because I know how much worse it can and likely will get and I hate feeling like I am letting people down who love me. I have heard my sister in law say she misses the man she married ( my brother has PD+MSA)and even though it is obvious looking at him what she means, I really didn't expect to not be ME so soon I guess.
Even though it's hard to show emotions or passion with this disease it is all still there trying to get out. So, the challenge for me is to make sure the people in my life know how I feel aven when my voice and body language try to sabotage my efforts.
Thanks for the heads up my honey !
Monday, July 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
A MIXED BAG.......
I never seem able to keep up with blogging....but I am trying ! Lots of little things to chatter about...
Remember the old lawn mower I took to my Dad ? He has used it twice and is having trouble using it due to safety lockouts ( won't start if blades are engaged ! ) and other things of a similar nature. It's pretty funny , I keep going over and showing him and he finds another way for something not to work...LOL
If you read my blog chances are you may read my wife's blog "Life with Shaky" . If not you should, that is where all the inspiration and stuff gets written and you can keep up with us better because she is blogging more than me. She recently posted about me exercising and I must comment...THANK YOU SO MUCH HONEY, YOU FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT !
Meaning I got a little credit. Basically she finally realized that I walk enough at work, I bend, stretch, workout in the yard and in the shop working on my car. Read it, please, I feel so vindicated ...
Speaking of the car, it's coming along slowly due to time issues. The subframe is removed and I will be sand blasting and repainting it soon, then a disc brake conversion will be hung on it. Hopefully before winter the body will go to the chassis shop and be cut out and a narrowed rear clip installed.
August promises to be busy- A new PD support group to attend on the 2nd. A wedding to go to on the 9th, a gun show on the 16th and a big hot rod show and swap meet on the 23rd.
Ain't lookin like I am slowing down none too much...
BUT
I have had two or three people tell me how bad I look recently. I think it is the heat, it gets to me quick now a days and probably also a little facial masking along with that rigid left arm, I probably do look bad , but I feel just fine most of the time. So , if you see me and my face is blank or I look bad, I am fine. It's just PD lurking around .
My son posted a comment about going to the go kart track again. Think I may pass on that one. I hate losing , maybe I will spectate or shoot video for him....
Well, may be more later ....
Remember the old lawn mower I took to my Dad ? He has used it twice and is having trouble using it due to safety lockouts ( won't start if blades are engaged ! ) and other things of a similar nature. It's pretty funny , I keep going over and showing him and he finds another way for something not to work...LOL
If you read my blog chances are you may read my wife's blog "Life with Shaky" . If not you should, that is where all the inspiration and stuff gets written and you can keep up with us better because she is blogging more than me. She recently posted about me exercising and I must comment...THANK YOU SO MUCH HONEY, YOU FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT !
Meaning I got a little credit. Basically she finally realized that I walk enough at work, I bend, stretch, workout in the yard and in the shop working on my car. Read it, please, I feel so vindicated ...
Speaking of the car, it's coming along slowly due to time issues. The subframe is removed and I will be sand blasting and repainting it soon, then a disc brake conversion will be hung on it. Hopefully before winter the body will go to the chassis shop and be cut out and a narrowed rear clip installed.
August promises to be busy- A new PD support group to attend on the 2nd. A wedding to go to on the 9th, a gun show on the 16th and a big hot rod show and swap meet on the 23rd.
Ain't lookin like I am slowing down none too much...
BUT
I have had two or three people tell me how bad I look recently. I think it is the heat, it gets to me quick now a days and probably also a little facial masking along with that rigid left arm, I probably do look bad , but I feel just fine most of the time. So , if you see me and my face is blank or I look bad, I am fine. It's just PD lurking around .
My son posted a comment about going to the go kart track again. Think I may pass on that one. I hate losing , maybe I will spectate or shoot video for him....
Well, may be more later ....
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
SO MUCH MORE - CONTINUED
June was a busy month for us. We took a long awaited real vacation to Virginia Beach and had a nice family time. Made some of those old time looking photo's which are really cool looking....celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary while we were there. Seems like forever but in the best possible way sweetie !
As soon as we got back I spent an hour on the go kart track with a bunch of 20 somethings- a guy that used to work for me was getting married and he started his bachelor party off with renting the kart track at VIR in Danville for all the party attendees which included my son. There was a lot of trash talking about who could outdrive whom between my son and I leading up to this event.
Let me tell you- I GOT HAMMERED !
There were fourteen of us and I had the slowest lap time at 57 seconds. My son of course had the second fastest time at around 47 seconds...He showed me that day that all the work he put into his road car and all the time he has spent learning to drive curves instead of a straight line like old Dad, all of that became real for me that day. I was already so proud of his mechanical aptitude beyond measure. I knew he was a pretty good road course driver but I didn't realize just how good until I saw him do it in the go kart.
To my defense, I am about 100 pounds heavier than most of those kids and also, the lap sheet gave average lap times of all your laps and when you look at those times I was in the middle somewhere. Meaning I drove the course HARD every lap even though it took all I had in me to do it , others ran a few good laps and took it easy. When I compete at anything, there is only one speed- WFO. Same approach to PD- full speed ahead. A friend of mine told me to hang in there today- to which I replied " It (PD) will have to come and get me because I ain't giving up "
The next week after vacation my wife had obligated us to go to Richmond to support a guy with YOPD who was motorcycling around the country to raise money for PD research. We went, me not expecting much but boy did I get a surprise. Not only did the press cover the event, they swamped us taking photo's and interviews. Partly because we drove an hour and a half to support this but mainly because I wore a shirt that had SHAKY on the front and my wife's shirt said I'M WITH SHAKY.....Everyone wanted to know where they could get them. We made the front page of the Richmond paper -local section, made ALOT of new friends and I am sure we will be back in Richmond before it's over with...
If you want to read about the motorcyle guy here is his website- www.rideagainstparkinsons.org
It got me to thinking- If he can raise $10K riding around on a scooter - as many people as I know, I should be able to do that too....let me have some feedback on that would you ?
Anyway, it's late and I am heading off to bed. We have a new baby in the house - NO we are not pregnant...foster child from Haiti here on a medical visa for surgery. Here's how this goes:
ME - skeptical, cautious and reserved
MY WIFE - enthusiastic and ready to go
ME- humbled and learning another lesson
More on this next time !
As soon as we got back I spent an hour on the go kart track with a bunch of 20 somethings- a guy that used to work for me was getting married and he started his bachelor party off with renting the kart track at VIR in Danville for all the party attendees which included my son. There was a lot of trash talking about who could outdrive whom between my son and I leading up to this event.
Let me tell you- I GOT HAMMERED !
There were fourteen of us and I had the slowest lap time at 57 seconds. My son of course had the second fastest time at around 47 seconds...He showed me that day that all the work he put into his road car and all the time he has spent learning to drive curves instead of a straight line like old Dad, all of that became real for me that day. I was already so proud of his mechanical aptitude beyond measure. I knew he was a pretty good road course driver but I didn't realize just how good until I saw him do it in the go kart.
To my defense, I am about 100 pounds heavier than most of those kids and also, the lap sheet gave average lap times of all your laps and when you look at those times I was in the middle somewhere. Meaning I drove the course HARD every lap even though it took all I had in me to do it , others ran a few good laps and took it easy. When I compete at anything, there is only one speed- WFO. Same approach to PD- full speed ahead. A friend of mine told me to hang in there today- to which I replied " It (PD) will have to come and get me because I ain't giving up "
The next week after vacation my wife had obligated us to go to Richmond to support a guy with YOPD who was motorcycling around the country to raise money for PD research. We went, me not expecting much but boy did I get a surprise. Not only did the press cover the event, they swamped us taking photo's and interviews. Partly because we drove an hour and a half to support this but mainly because I wore a shirt that had SHAKY on the front and my wife's shirt said I'M WITH SHAKY.....Everyone wanted to know where they could get them. We made the front page of the Richmond paper -local section, made ALOT of new friends and I am sure we will be back in Richmond before it's over with...
If you want to read about the motorcyle guy here is his website- www.rideagainstparkinsons.org
It got me to thinking- If he can raise $10K riding around on a scooter - as many people as I know, I should be able to do that too....let me have some feedback on that would you ?
Anyway, it's late and I am heading off to bed. We have a new baby in the house - NO we are not pregnant...foster child from Haiti here on a medical visa for surgery. Here's how this goes:
ME - skeptical, cautious and reserved
MY WIFE - enthusiastic and ready to go
ME- humbled and learning another lesson
More on this next time !
MISTRESS, MOWING AND SO MUCH MORE
WOW, my last post was in early May- long time, sorry to my one loyal reader (DP) :-)
I ended my last post saying I would tell you about my mistress next time so I guess I better keep some kind of continuity....of course it's a car. For all the years and cars, trucks and motorcycles and even boats I have bought sold and traded there is one in particular that stands out. The 1969 Camaro is far and away my all time favorite. I have owned three or four of them and it was also the very first car I ever owned. The last one was sold in the early to mid 80's before the prices of these cars went stupid. I bought that last one for $1800- sold it for $3600 and thought I was pretty savvy. Today, the same car in that condition would bring nearly $20K...
Over the years I have conditioned myself to accept that I would never be able to buy another one prices what they are...but in my last post I noted that the yellow truck got traded for another 1969 Camaro. A basket case that still ran me more than what I sold the last one for ...forurnately I could trade and get some cash to boot.
So there you are- my mistress is a 1969 Camaro for the next few years. I am telling folks that this is my last project. Most don't believe me or don't want to discourage me, but it likely is the last car I will build. You can watch my progress at www.bhsbees.com/keith
Anyway, about that grass mowing - what is so special about that ?
On Fathers Day , I finished fixing up my old riding mower which is still better than my Dad's antique riding mower. I took it to my Dad's and my son helped me install a battery and the next time Dad mowed his grass, I helped on my old mower. I actually like mowing grass you see. And I have good memories of mowing with my Dad when I was a teenager. There was just something very special about the two of us (him at 92) running around his yard mowing together. After all, he taught me to mow and he is still teaching me stuff today , when I listen...which I am much better at now that I am older. Anyway, it was a Hallmark moment that no one else likely can understand and I wanted to write about.
The other day I went by and he was getting ready to mow again. Guess which mower he used ? The one I fixed up for him. I love it when a plan comes together....
I ended my last post saying I would tell you about my mistress next time so I guess I better keep some kind of continuity....of course it's a car. For all the years and cars, trucks and motorcycles and even boats I have bought sold and traded there is one in particular that stands out. The 1969 Camaro is far and away my all time favorite. I have owned three or four of them and it was also the very first car I ever owned. The last one was sold in the early to mid 80's before the prices of these cars went stupid. I bought that last one for $1800- sold it for $3600 and thought I was pretty savvy. Today, the same car in that condition would bring nearly $20K...
Over the years I have conditioned myself to accept that I would never be able to buy another one prices what they are...but in my last post I noted that the yellow truck got traded for another 1969 Camaro. A basket case that still ran me more than what I sold the last one for ...forurnately I could trade and get some cash to boot.
So there you are- my mistress is a 1969 Camaro for the next few years. I am telling folks that this is my last project. Most don't believe me or don't want to discourage me, but it likely is the last car I will build. You can watch my progress at www.bhsbees.com/keith
Anyway, about that grass mowing - what is so special about that ?
On Fathers Day , I finished fixing up my old riding mower which is still better than my Dad's antique riding mower. I took it to my Dad's and my son helped me install a battery and the next time Dad mowed his grass, I helped on my old mower. I actually like mowing grass you see. And I have good memories of mowing with my Dad when I was a teenager. There was just something very special about the two of us (him at 92) running around his yard mowing together. After all, he taught me to mow and he is still teaching me stuff today , when I listen...which I am much better at now that I am older. Anyway, it was a Hallmark moment that no one else likely can understand and I wanted to write about.
The other day I went by and he was getting ready to mow again. Guess which mower he used ? The one I fixed up for him. I love it when a plan comes together....
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